With my time here in El Salvador slowly ticking down to the two week mark, my heart aches with conflicting emotions. On one hand, I am so thrilled and excited to go back to the States and begin the next stage of my life. I'm scared that I will get back and my old life will be strange to me. I'm worried that my friends will be foreign to me and I wont be able to relate to their collegiate adventures. I passionately hope that no matter how much any of us have changed, TJWNCH will continue to be the amazing group of friends I've been blessed to call my best. I pray desperately that I won't forget about my time here in Central America, because it has changed me for the better. I don't want to lose the strength that I have found here. I am still me, just a more refined and ready for the world version. On the other hand, it saddens me that my time here is coming to an end. El Salvador has become a part of me. I've learned so much here; about myself, about God, about the nature of people and the world. People have told me that the first foreign country you visit always leaves a certain mark on you. I cannot help but think about my time here, and think about how short and sweet nine months is. It can't be summarized by pretty adjectives and well placed words. 99% of my time here was on a supernatural level, and it is though the rest of it just fell into place on an earthly time-scale. Most days I forget that I have a life waiting for me back home. I forget the first 18 years of life that I lived wholly unaware of a bigger world out there waiting for my exploration. I forget the insecurities I suffered throughout high school. I forget the impact that a simple fast-food restaurant made on my life. I forget the way my dad's ears are identical to my own, and the charming way he managed to pass along snorting in his DNA. I scan pictures on facebook of a life that is entirely my own, and yet for the most part it seems like an incredible dream my mind conjured up. I look forward to my momma's visit here during my last week, and yet I picture picking her up from the airport and it seems so surreal. A little piece of my old life stuck square in the middle of my new one. I can only imagine the culture shock I will go through, not because the United States is so drastically different landscape wise, but because of the people. I've been surrounded by a culture of natural givers long enough to realize I prefer a genuine smile and "how are you" to a calculated greeting based on what's expected rather than a real concern for the well being of others. I know that not all people in the States are fake and spoiled. I'm just not looking forward to going back and being surrounded by people who have it very good, but still strive for the next big thing because that's just the way it is.
Looking back on where I was this time last year, my senior spring break was spent in Panama City, Florida. I smile and let loose a little chuckle when I think about how crazy and uncaring my girlfriends and I were. No one expected anything more from us than having fun and enjoying our youth while we still had it. I don't regret those times, simply because they made me who I am today. Plus, I love my girlfriends with all my heart, and the memories I made with them are some that I would never want to trade. Compared to where I am now, though, I seemed like a child when I was only one year younger. It's amazing what a little world experience and spiritual awakening will do to your perspective on life.
This year, I spent the first few days of spring break in the mountains with Young Life and a group of 30 kids from Virginia. The moment we met them was a bit of a culture shock. Just the way they stood and their demeanor screamed "I'm an American" and it warmed my heart how open they were to adding our little Global Year group into their masses. We spend four days with them, climbing and hiking mountains, swimming in rivers, socializing with the locals of the small town, painting, building latrines, and digging fish ponds. It was hard and grueling work, yet these high school kids ripe from the United States did not complain once. They signed their spring break away to work for a higher cause, and were greatly rewarded for it. Every morning I sat above the soccer field that over looked the mountains surrounding me and was continuously left breathless by the beauty and splendor before my eyes. My favorite moment of the entire trip was sitting there on that ledge, listening to "Revelation Song" as a huge bird soared over the trees in front of me and the wind softly caressed me. My heart flooded with euphoric emotion at feeling so in-tune with God's creation. It just shows how great God is that He would make anything with beauty at all. Everything that is magnificent just glorifies Him that much more. That Monday we said our goodbyes to those kids, and returned to San Salvador for one night's rest before we left for our vacation the next day. The trip to Guatemala was incredible. Not just because of the cutesy cobble-stoned street feel of Antigua, or the majestic views of Panajachel's lakeside cities, but because of the opportunity to view more of God's creation, and spend time as a team. I did, however, acquire a nasty flu on the trip, so my last four days of vacation plus some school time was spent in bed.
It's so late right now my mind is wandering and I don't even know where I'm going with all of this. I just know that tonight, we celebrated Easter as a team because on Sunday Amy and I were sick with the flu. I have never felt God's hand so prevalently on a church time of our team as I did tonight. We watched The Passion of the Christ and it was heartbreaking, but I was left with a feeling of giddiness that only the knowledge of my savior's love for me can bring about. Seeing a man beaten and bloodied and nailed upon a cross is gory and it is sickening, but even more so when I think about the fact that it really happened. It happened to MY savior. The savior of the world. I am more thankful each and everyday for His sacrifice for me, because I continuously screw up and fail to live up to Him. If it were not or Him, I would be hopeless and without direction.
So, that's it. That's all life is really about. Continuously running up the down escalator despite the irritated and weirded out looks of those drifting slowly downward into oblivion. It's worth it, because I know an eternity of peace and adoration of God awaits me at the top. Life is but the journey, Heaven is the destination. So here's to finishing my time in El Salvador strong, and beginning the next stage of my journey strong in my faith. Here's to continuously failing because I'm human, and knowing that at the end of the day God still amazingly loves me just the same. Here's to living Biblically, not culturally. Here's to being grateful each and every second of the day for the blood shed on that cross for me, because if He comes back for me in my lifetime... I will be found ready.
All For His Glory,
Taylor
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I Am Faithful.
I sit in my room during dry season, and listen in wonder as the rain pours from the sky above me. It is so odd for it to be raining at all during this time of the year, let alone pouring. I sit here thinking about the rain, and all that has to happen in order for the miracle of water showering from the sky to even be possible. Everything in this world is so perfectly fine-tuned, that something as simple as a raindrop has left me breathless at the wonder that is God.
It's been a long time since I've felt moved to write. Kaylie's sister Amy came to El Salvador to help lead our team in early March, and since she's been here I've talked about God more than I have in my entire life. It feels so good just to share about Him and learn about Him and get excited about Him! Because of this, I've left my writing untouched. I don't know what's so different about tonight. Maybe it's the rain, or maybe there's something supernatural in the air that God is stirring up...regardless, He has completely captured my attention tonight and He has moved me to share.
Giving my everything to God all day every day is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I get tired. I get moody. I get bored. I get all the emotions that a simple human being experiences, and they all seem determined to keep me from being excited about my savior. The more I get down, the more I am forced to give my everything to God to lift myself back up into His arms. I've realized that the more I give to Him, the easier it is every time. I'm sure you're thinking, well duh Taylor. It's not that simple, though. The Bible lays it out perfectly for us, but at the end of the day as with all things in life...it's so much easier said than done. Despite it being the hardest path to follow, for the first time in my life, I am completely content in my relationship with God. Of course I struggle with day to day things and being consumed by the distractions of the world, but with God it's like everything has this beautiful shining haze over it. God's touch is evident in everything. He has taught me so much about who I am and my purpose in this world.
Before I knew about GAP Year I had decided that UGA was going to be my saving grace. God took that option away, and put El Salvador in my path. I came, and have become completely reliant on the Lord. During my time here I decided that I would go to KSU and then transfer to UGA later, but yet again God closed that door. This time not because I don't have what it takes to get into the school, but because he laid out a better option. I keep making decisions based on what I think is right for my future instead of asking God what truly is right for my future according to Him. One night Amy was telling me all about the school she went to, North Greenville University, and as she was talking I become overcome with emotion. I knew in my heart that the Lord wanted me to pursue a Christian education to prepare myself for a life full of missions.
God blessed us with free will because He wants us to come to know Him on our own. What good would a bunch of booty-kissing robots be to Him? How would that glorify Him at all? It's a hard lesson to learn: His ways are higher than our ways. (Isaiah 55:9). So often we try to get things done with our own power. If I just work here long enough, then I'll have enough money saved up to do this later. If I go to school here, then I'll be able to do this in the future. If I marry this person, then I'll have a better life. We try to plan our future according to our culture and what will make life the easiest. Life does not work according to an "if then" statement. It does not work like a mathematical equation. What happened to Jesus saying "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"? (Luke 9:23). What happened to "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth...but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven...for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". (Matthew 7:19-21). If heaven is truly a reality for me, then what job I have, or where I go to school, or who I marry means nothing to me if those decisions are not made based off of God's will.
The Lord has drastically changed my life. I refuse to sit back and let life take me where it will, because life is saturated with the influence of the enemy. If I let it, life would drag me down until there was no getting up. No, that is not my fate. My fate rests in the hands of an almighty, all knowing, merciful and loving God. He is my everything, and I know that His plan for my life will glorify Him in ways that I cannot begin to imagine at this stage in my life. Being here in El Salvador has opened my mind to a whole new ballgame. Same game, just bigger and badder players. I can never win if I try to do anything ahead of God's timing, or against His will. He loves me so much that He came to earth in the flesh in the form of His only son and died for me. How else can I honor that sacrifice than by doing nothing less than giving everything I have in me to spreading His name?
Philippians 3:7-14 says, "...whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
What am I, or any of us, if we do not give everything to the one who promises us an eternity in heaven? I for one cannot continue to be so bold as to deny Him anything, when it all belongs to Him in the first place. I want to give Him everything, because I love Him. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". (John 3:16)
All For His Glory,
Taylor
It's been a long time since I've felt moved to write. Kaylie's sister Amy came to El Salvador to help lead our team in early March, and since she's been here I've talked about God more than I have in my entire life. It feels so good just to share about Him and learn about Him and get excited about Him! Because of this, I've left my writing untouched. I don't know what's so different about tonight. Maybe it's the rain, or maybe there's something supernatural in the air that God is stirring up...regardless, He has completely captured my attention tonight and He has moved me to share.
Giving my everything to God all day every day is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I get tired. I get moody. I get bored. I get all the emotions that a simple human being experiences, and they all seem determined to keep me from being excited about my savior. The more I get down, the more I am forced to give my everything to God to lift myself back up into His arms. I've realized that the more I give to Him, the easier it is every time. I'm sure you're thinking, well duh Taylor. It's not that simple, though. The Bible lays it out perfectly for us, but at the end of the day as with all things in life...it's so much easier said than done. Despite it being the hardest path to follow, for the first time in my life, I am completely content in my relationship with God. Of course I struggle with day to day things and being consumed by the distractions of the world, but with God it's like everything has this beautiful shining haze over it. God's touch is evident in everything. He has taught me so much about who I am and my purpose in this world.
Before I knew about GAP Year I had decided that UGA was going to be my saving grace. God took that option away, and put El Salvador in my path. I came, and have become completely reliant on the Lord. During my time here I decided that I would go to KSU and then transfer to UGA later, but yet again God closed that door. This time not because I don't have what it takes to get into the school, but because he laid out a better option. I keep making decisions based on what I think is right for my future instead of asking God what truly is right for my future according to Him. One night Amy was telling me all about the school she went to, North Greenville University, and as she was talking I become overcome with emotion. I knew in my heart that the Lord wanted me to pursue a Christian education to prepare myself for a life full of missions.
God blessed us with free will because He wants us to come to know Him on our own. What good would a bunch of booty-kissing robots be to Him? How would that glorify Him at all? It's a hard lesson to learn: His ways are higher than our ways. (Isaiah 55:9). So often we try to get things done with our own power. If I just work here long enough, then I'll have enough money saved up to do this later. If I go to school here, then I'll be able to do this in the future. If I marry this person, then I'll have a better life. We try to plan our future according to our culture and what will make life the easiest. Life does not work according to an "if then" statement. It does not work like a mathematical equation. What happened to Jesus saying "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"? (Luke 9:23). What happened to "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth...but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven...for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". (Matthew 7:19-21). If heaven is truly a reality for me, then what job I have, or where I go to school, or who I marry means nothing to me if those decisions are not made based off of God's will.
The Lord has drastically changed my life. I refuse to sit back and let life take me where it will, because life is saturated with the influence of the enemy. If I let it, life would drag me down until there was no getting up. No, that is not my fate. My fate rests in the hands of an almighty, all knowing, merciful and loving God. He is my everything, and I know that His plan for my life will glorify Him in ways that I cannot begin to imagine at this stage in my life. Being here in El Salvador has opened my mind to a whole new ballgame. Same game, just bigger and badder players. I can never win if I try to do anything ahead of God's timing, or against His will. He loves me so much that He came to earth in the flesh in the form of His only son and died for me. How else can I honor that sacrifice than by doing nothing less than giving everything I have in me to spreading His name?
Philippians 3:7-14 says, "...whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
What am I, or any of us, if we do not give everything to the one who promises us an eternity in heaven? I for one cannot continue to be so bold as to deny Him anything, when it all belongs to Him in the first place. I want to give Him everything, because I love Him. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". (John 3:16)
All For His Glory,
Taylor
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