My last week in El Salvador was heart wrenching, emotionally draining, beautiful, amazing, and by far the hardest thing I've ever experienced. My mom arrived Sunday afternoon, and I felt a strange senese of forboding wash over me as I hugged my beautiful momma. She was the best part of my life in the United States placed smack dab in the middle of my personal journey in El Salv. Seeing her made me realize that my time was drawing to an end, and it scared me. How could I possibly go back to the place I grew up and be happy after living in a land of endless adventure and beauty for so many months? Do I have the strength and the Faith required to stay true to what I believe? For the most part those feelings didn't bother me too much during her stay, although occasionally I found myself listening to the latest news of home and realizing just how different I have truely become.
The time I spent with her is invaulable to me. She is one of my best friends and the best mom I could ever ask for. Monday was our last time at Exodo and I am so glad she was able to experience that. It's funny how we never realize how much things mean to us, especially the little things, until we have to give them up. It was so heart warming to see my mom love on those kids like the mother they need so badly. It didn't matter where they had come from or what they had been through, she held them in her arms and played with them like they were her own. The whole time we were there I tried so hard to get in as much time with those kids as I could. I told myself that I wasn't going to cry, because this wasn't goodbye. I would see them again someday, even if it's in Heaven. I stayed strong until the very end, when I had to say goodbye to 4 year old Blanca, who stole a special part of my heart. I picked her up and gave her one last hug, and she began to cry. I couldn't stop the tears that started pouring out of my eyes. I didn't want to be another person she invested in only to have them leave her in the end. No group had ever spent an extended amount of time with those kids. I pray that the team next year will fall in love with them as I have, and treat them with the heart of love that Jesus possessed.
That next day Wes's mom and grandmother came. We went to Puerta del Diablo because I knew it was a view that takes your breath away and that was exactly what both of our moms needed. Mine and Wes's mom were daring enough to climb Puerta del Diablo with me and Wes in the rain, and when we reached the top I sensed the weight of their lives back home slowly begin to lift away from them. God was clearly present that day. I pray that one day in the future I will climb that mountain again, and remember how close to God I felt in that moment and in my time in El Salvador.
It was definitely a struggle learning to accept that not all people are like Salvadorians. I became so comfortable in my little God centered world in that tiny country, and it weakened me. How can I only have Faith and be Christ-like when it's easy? It's been a hard lesson to learn, but I know that it's God shaping me and carving me into someone who can Glorify His name. I cannot wait to get back to the States and just love on all of the people I left behind. I am different, and I hope that it will be an inspiration for those who have lost their way.
Thursday, our last time at Metamorfosis, was by far the hardest and most God-filled. We walked into that building and the faces of those amazing men lit up instantaneously. They had a whole going away ceremony planned for us, and some of the men shared their testimoies with us. To hear of those men, coming from lives so broken and so hopeless, and seeing how they have been completely delivered in Christ was absolutley INSANE. It makes me realize just how big God is, and gives me hope that anyone can change in Him. They thanked us for accepting them when most of their fellow country men would not. They thanked us for showing them the love of Christ, when they had experienced so many moments of darkness. I don't think they even realize how much we owe them. They are some of the most kind and incredble people I've ever met, and they are an inspirational testimony of God's power and mercy. I cried tears of joy and sadness as I had to say goodbye to them, but I know that I will see them again in Heaven as well, and that makes it all the more sweeter.
Friday was graduation. That morning at rehearsal our team was set against each other. Fighting, bickering and being absolutely horrible. I know it was Satan trying to tear us apart when we were so close to finishing strong. Amy prayed over us and by that night, we were united once again in Christ and in my speech, I challenged them to remember the person they used to be, and to stand firm in who they are today. God was the only reason I was able to share those words. I was so afraid to mess up. I was so doubting of the spanish I had learned. I was so weak, and so unprepared. God showed up, though, and it flowed for His glory.
Saying goodbye to the people in El Salvador, was quite honestly miserable. I didn't want to leave them. They accepted me as one of their own and loved me every single day. I didn't want to give that up. I know in my heart that I will return one day, but for now I have to be firm in God's will for me and keep their faces burned into my memories. I can never forget them.
It's funny how going back to the US scares me more than the prospect of going to a country like China, where people are killed for sharing Christ. At least in China I would know clearly who my enemy is. The dangers are obvious and frightening there, but the dangers back home are far more terrifying. They are on a spiritual level. Satan will work subtly to break down the things I know are true. He will more than likely use people who only want the best for me to make me believe living culturally is better than standing firm in the Truth. As scared and as nervous as I am, a calm peace is washing over me as my plane is descending into Atlanta. God is with me. I will never lose my faith in Him. During those times where I am tempted, the times where I am broken, and even during the times when I think everything is going smoothly...He is with me. He is the master planner, and I know His plan for my life is GOOD.
So to sum up in a nutshell what I've taken from my experience in El Salvador: people, things, this Earth...they are all temporary. I will enjoy them while I'm here, and I will do my best to share with them the reason I have died in Christ and now find my life in Him. My personal journey with the Lord doesn't stop at the borders of El Salvador. It never stops. It's frightening and scary to think about what lays ahead of me in my future, but at the same time I cannot wait to just love people the way Jesus has loved me for the rest of my life.
Chapter 2 of my new life in Him begins today. God is with me. I am ready.
All For His Glory,
Taylor
