I am Ready.

It's Saturday morning and I wake up at the usual seven o'clock A.M. to go to Rescate (the homeless ministry at my church). Today is the day I am supposed to start singing songs during the worship time, all in Spanish of course. I am a little nervous. I can feel the familiar sensation of light headedness creeping along my nerves and my hands begin to tremble. I am praying that God will just use me and my voice to open the hearts of the men and women that will come to sing with me. At least I try to pray, because Mama (bless her heart) loves to talk during our car rides together, so it's a little hard to get a word in edgewise to my bro Jesus Christ. I am expecting to meet my other teamates there, and possibly get Wes to film it so I can show my Momma the video and have her be proud of her singing partner. However, mom and I pull up and I am the only member of my team there, and it turns out none of them are coming. I'm in this thing alone, so I put a smile on my face and give up all of my thoughts of doubt and nerves to God. He is the only reason I am doing this. I personally don't find my voice to be anything spectacular, but if I can use it to touch the hearts of His children, then throw me a mic and let's get singing! One of the men that helps in the ministry is practicing his English with me as I show him which songs I will be singing. As I stand on the stage waiting for the homeless men to flow in from upstairs, I say another quick prayer. God give me strength and use me to make these people Yours. As soon as they are all seated, I am given a quick introduction because most of them recognize me. The music starts and I can barely hear it because of low volume and the pounding of my own heart. Not until the very last song did I truely feel the Holy Spirit working in me, and at that point I gave up trying to get the men to sing along with me and I just poured out my heart and sang to God. It was an incredible feeling, and afterwards many of them came up to me and complimented me on the performance. I know that with practice and time one of those men will fall to his knees and give up his life to God because I was there helping him along.

A lot of the time I find myself frowning at the thought of going out and evangelizing door-to-door because it just seems so futile. "Hi, I'm from the United States with a team of eight. Do you have a few minutes for me to share what God has been doing in my life? Alright sweet, see you later." Even if they do come to know Christ through my quick, watered-down testimony, how can I be sure they have really and truely surrendered their life to God? Becoming changed takes time. Yes, making the decision is a hard and enormous step to take, but if you don't continue up the staircase... you'll never get anywhere. I've realized, though, that even though I could share my testimony a million times I would never get any results unless God was with me and working in my audience. If I don't go out those million times, I'm stealing God's chances of rescuing His people, and who am I to deny Him anything?

Win (Wes's little brother), Steve Flockhart and his team from New Season church came that afternoon. They will all be here for the week, and it's been evangelism...evangelism...evangelism. I garuntee that this isn't what Win was expecting when he chose to come spend his February break in El Salvador with his big brother, but in the end I think he will be changed for the better by coming here. Saturday night we set up a little stage in a park. Win and I sat next to each other in the audience listening to the music and Pastor Steve's message. The entire time there was a homeless man named Alex sitting next to Win. He introduced himself, but because of the language barrier there was little real conversation. The entire time Alex sat next to Win, Win squirmed in his seat and was absolutely uncomfortable. Not because Alex was unclean. Not because Alex was bothering him. Not even because of his A.D.D. It was because Alex had no shoes on. I could see Win being convicted. He couldn't stand to see a man's feet bare and cracked because of so much hard use. Even though Steve's message was being translated into Spanish, you could tell the message wasn't getting to Alex, and so he got up and began to walk away. Win, without a second thought, followed him to the edge of the grass, stopped him and took the shoes off of his own feet and gave them to this man he knew nothing about. Alex, a man who would have walked away, hugged Win with the energy of a man who has experienced true kindness, and walked back to the chairs and receieved Christ. I got a glimpse of the kind of man Win will be someday, and I look forward to seeing him grow into that person. He is so like Wes in so many ways, and his ability to make friends whenever, wherever will, like Wes, allow him to show so many people the way to God. Not too shabby for a potential brother-in-law eh? ;)

That was Saturday, and after many activities, I have yet to really stand up and make an impact in someone's life. I know in my heart and soul that I have a story and a passion for God that He can use to change someone. I'm forcing myself to keep my head up, and know that as long as I keep myself open to His will, He will use me when the time is right.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

I am Loved.

We so often describe love as some unatainable goal or a state of mind or a mushy feeling we experience every once in a while. We throw around the word love like it has no more significance than the word hamburger. When does love get the credit it deserves? Love is about caring for another human being, not necessarily a significant other, but anyone. A stranger walking down the street. Your parents and family. Your friends. Love is about giving someone the affection and devotion they deserve even when they don't do everything right, and especially when it seems like they do everything wrong. Love is about God. Love IS God. What greater act of love is there than Him giving His ONLY son for us on the cross, simply because He loves us that much.

Titus 3:5 "he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy..."

 We did nothing to deserve it, and there is nothing we can do to deserve it. Not from God, not from anyone. Love is a choice. Love rises above all.


My family has struggled financially for a few years now, and I remember the day when wanting to work was the deciding factor in quitting softball my senior year of high school. Yes, I was already burnt out and the sport didn't hold the same spark for me as it used to, but I would have played simply because it was my senior year. Money won out. I remember the days when I would worry about my family and our house and if we were going to be able to keep it or not. I remember the days when I would wrack my brains trying to understand what had happened to my old life. Nowadays, money means absolutely nothing to me. Yes, in a lot of ways it is necessary to survive. I am not naive. I just know that in the end, you don't get to bring it with you. I refuse to slave away at a job I don't necessarily love so that I will have a hefty retirement fund waiting for me at the end of my working life. I want to spend my life glorifying God with a husband who loves me for who I am. I want to show the world and those who I love that life is about experiences and recognizing those moments when God's presence is tangible around us. My mom is coming here in May even though money is extremely tight still at home. Money comes and money goes, but experiences like she will get to have here come rarely, if never at all. If we lose the house I've spent my entire life in, so be it. If I lose some of the luxuries I've been blessed with my entire life, so be it. I have a beautiful and incredible family who loves me, a soulmate that I know in my heart that God made just for me and God, who gave the ultimate sacrifice for me. How could I ever complain about having to work a few extra hours at Chick-fil-a, when people are starving in the streets around me right here in San Salvador? How could I ever question my mother's money spending methods when I've been within inches of a malnourished baby, who's skin was stretched so tight over it's hollow little cheek bones it almost didn't look human? How DARE I, have the nerve to consider my self anything but rich for having the ability to live an educated life full of love and Jesus?

Leah went home to the States today, because her father is in a coma in the hospital. Even though she has been scarred and maintains a rocky at best relationship with this man, she left without hesitation to be by his side. That is real love. Loving someone, no matter what they've done to you and no matter how much you just don't want to go through the sacrifice of love anymore, will never stop being worthwhile in the end. That is Jesus inspired love. Love is the end goal. Not money. Not nice things. Not even stability in a world and a life that is so fleeting compared to the promise of eternity. Love and a life that represents our passion for God is what we should be aiming for, despite what modern day society has deemed necessary for living "the good life".

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not loved, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

All For His Glory,
Taylor

I Am Saved.

 In my life, I can honestly say I've pretty much always been "the good girl". I did well in school. I had a lot of friends from a group of people who weren't trouble makers. I was an athelete. My parents were the cool parents and it was obvious how much they loved me. From the outside, I would say it looked like I had the good life. Things are usually never what they seem.


I grew up always knowing about Jesus because of the realtionship I had with my mom and my Mema (her mother). I always knew in my heart that He died for me and that He was my savior. Every time I would go visit Mema in South Carolina she would spark that curiosity in me about Jesus. Who He is. What He did. Why He did it. As I grew older though, my family and I never went to church on Sundays. Were were the big athletic family. If there wasn't a hockey tournament to be at, it was baseball. If not baseball, it was soccer...or softball. You get the point, there was always an excuse not to be attending church on Sundays. As I grew up, my only spritual foundation was what I had learned from my Mema and the example that my parents set for me. I've always had an inherent sense of what I knew was morally right and wrong. Unfortunately, I've always had a self-depreciating self concept and I've always been self-concious. Because of this, in the eight grade, I stopped eating. I would go the entire day without food, go to softball practice, and if I felt like I "deserved" to eat dinner that night, then I would allow it. I was miserable. I had headaches every day, I blacked out all the time, and no matter how much weight I lost I was still unhappy with myself. After I lost about 35 pounds, I decided enough was enough and I began eating again. That same year my brother started to smoke pot and got into a lot of trouble. The turmoil he was causing tested my parent's already rocky marriage. The next three years were consumed with fighting and anger and hurt. I would lay on my bed and listen to music as loud as I could stand it just to drown out the voices from downstairs. I begged God to fix my family. My "faith" during those days was a hypocritical shell of what faith really is. I only went to God when I needed something. The problems in my family steadily got worse and worse, and my parents finally separated. During this time my dad lost his job, so not only were we struggling emotionally, but financially as well. I cried only when I couldn't take holding it in anymore. I was embarrassed to let anyone see me cry. I was the rock. People cried on my shoulders, not the other way around. I rarely shared what was going on with my life with even my best of friends. I didn't want to seem affected, because that would only make it all more real. On a whim I got a job at Chick-Fil-A, and it was there I met John Cowan. He pushed me spiritually more than he realized. I wanted to stand firm on my belief that I didn't need to go to church to have faith. He helped me and talked me through the things I was going through with my family, but at the time his words were not sinking in. Instead of turning to God with my problems, I chose to block it all out with pot and alcohol. I slowly spiraled downward into depression. I was failing classes. One night I was sitting in a room with my friends, doing questionalable activites, and I realized that that wasn't the life I wanted. God made me for something greater. After that night I never touched marijuana again, and I never will. My life slowly turned around. I came to the realization that my parents were not going to get back together, and I know it's for the best. God served His purpose in their marriage by blessing them with four amazing kids, and now they get to go search for their soulmates. After numerous addictions and countless times of verbal abuse of my parents and my family, my brother to this day continues to destroy my family. I will never lose the hope that he will be changed. I will never stop forgiving him. I am a firm believer in God's miracles, and I'll never stop believing that my brother is worth one.

 Because of Chick-Fil-A, I met Wes Price. He told me all about GAP Year and how he was going to do mission work and learn about God's plan for him. I thought it was really cool, but UGA was going to be my saving grace. I was going to be good at college and I would finally get to start over. My hopes came crashing down when they denied my application, and instantly I knew that God had something else planned for me. It was weird that I knew that because until that moment, God was on the back burners in my mind. Wes kept talking about GAP Year and I felt a pull there like I had never felt before. So I worked/slaved at Chick-Fil-A all summer and by the grace of God I raised enough money to go to El Salvador.  I came to El Savlador partially as an escape, but more so because for the first time in my life, I felt GOD calling me to Him.  I was bapatized before I left, and ever since then no matter what happens with my family, or with my life, I can handle it without drugs or alcohol or hiding. God has a plan for my life. He is in complete control. I know in my very soul that if I died right now, I would be wrapped up in the loving embrace of Jesus tonight.


Tomorrow is not promised to us. Life is fleeting, and we only get one chance to do it right. It's so easy to say, oh I can do whatever I want now and worry about the consequences later. I can have "fun" and put off living a life for the glory of God until I grow up. Well that's not good enough. God, GOD as in the creator of everything, sacrificed His only perfect Son in the flesh so that our past, and our future mistakes would be forgiven. It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter what you're going to do. God knows you better than you know yourself, which is why He has given us the ultimate back-up plan. Having a personal relationship with Jesus and accepting Him as your Lord and savior is the only way the Heaven. Think past the temptations of this futile earthly life, and think of where you're going to be spending eternity. I pray that if you do not know Jesus, that you will come to, because without Him I don't know where I would be today. He changed me from the inside out. He completely rocked my world, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

All For His Glory,
Taylor