Ya'll Ready For This?

The clock reads 12:04am, and I am snuggling into my bed when a thought hits me. There are less than two weeks before I return home. Joy and unbelievable excitement well up inside of me and I do a little happy squeal. Throughout my time here I have often wanted to go home. "Just for a day", I would say. "Just one week", I would think. Being here is uncomfortable. That's fine, because I'm not here to be comfortable. I am here to grow with God and try to open myself to what His plan is for my life. Thus far I'm still not sure what that is. I considered being a Pediatrician. Seeing the need of the kids here and how absolutely precious they are stirs a comforting, motherly side of me I did not know I possesed. I would love to use medical knowledge to do ministry in countries that are forced to go without medical help. I realized that that profession is extremely unreasonable for me. Is it a noble thought? Of course. Is it right for me? Probably not. I'm a bookworm. I love to use big words. I love to find that perfect arrangement of words that makes them take on a whole new level of imagery. Math and science are not, have never been and will most certainly never be my forte. Teaching English to the kids here has allowed me to discover I have a love for teaching.

 Me + English + Kids + Teaching = Education!

It could work. All I know is that I've still got time to figure it out, and a lot more praying to do.

Do not get me wrong, I love being here. I love seeing a different side of life than I knew existed. I love going to school every day and learning the language and going out into church and the city and putting it into use. I absolutely love interracting with my friends here because they have shown me what friendship can be like. I am becoming a better friend by being here. However, I have never been more ready to return home. I want to hug my momma. I want to watch football with my Philly. I want to look at ridiculous amounts of cute clothes that we cannot afford to buy with my little big sister. I want to interact with my brother, and attempt to reconnect with him. I want to see the new life my oldest sister has made for herself in New York with my brother-in-law. I want to work at Chick-Fil-A again. Not so much that it makes me unhappy again, but enough to serve people again with an open heart and a big, unwavering smile on my face. I want to laugh in the car with my best friends, and make late night runs to Dairy Queen. I want to sing at the top of my lungs with my mom to the songs that we love to listen to over and over again. There are so many things that I want and miss. I am mentally, physically, emotionally, and most of all spiritually exaughsted. It is time to go home. Rest. Renew my strength. Prepare myself for my final semester here in El Salvador, because I know it is going to be even more challenging than this one has been.

As amazing as it is going to be to see all of my family friends again, I know that it is when I am back home...surrounded by the luxuries of the United States, all the old temptations of my life... that the spiritual battle will hit me the hardest. Here it is easy to just take a step back and remind myself that God is with me. There are so few distractions here, it is almost effortless to fall into that peaceful place where I can just sit and praise God. It will be when I am in my old world, that my new self will be tested the most severely.

Ephesians 6:10-18 says, " ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. "

I am ready.

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Unstoppable.

Today in the United States, thousands of families are united at least for a little while. They put their differences aside, and gather around a table to celebrate the simple act of being thankful. How many times a day, week, or even year do you just take a moment to step back and praise God for what you're thankful for? I know I thank Him every single day for the things I've been given. It's so easy to be thankful when I've been blessed with so much. More than I could ever hope to repay Him for. It's harder to thank Him for those times when I wasn't sure where I would end up, or if my family would ever heal from the things we've been faced with. It is hard, but those times when He was all I had to cling to, are the times that made me who I am today. Without those times I would still be a shy girl who was afraid to voice her opinion because she feared the judgement of others. These days the only judgement that will truely affect me is the judgement of God. These days I am strong. God has lifted me back onto my feet every single time I've fallen down. I owe Him so much, and have so little to offer. He adores me anyways.

I skyped the little family that remains in Georgia for the holidays and it broke my heart not to be there for the first time in my life. However, when I look around at this new world and I see where I was before I came here, I am so incredibly thankful that I was not there for Thanksgiving this year. God's work in my life is greater and for more important than a meal with my family. He is forcing me to grow. He is forcing me to become reliant on Him instead of the warm embrace of my Momma and my Philly. It's so hard. It's excruciating, but I will be okay. My reward will be an eternity of peace, so what am I really losing? I get to spend my first holiday away from my family with a new kind of family. One that speaks a new language and eats a different kind of food, but we are all on fire for God. In the end, what more is there? What more could we possibly ask for?

So many times we ask the question "what are you thankful for" and go around the table just to hear the typical responses: "my family" "my friends" "my job" "my car" "bla bla bla". I want to challenge us to take a deeper look at our lives, and think about what our lives could be like if God were to turn away from us. His grace and His unconditional love are the only things worthy of being thanked. He is unstoppable.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for my family. For my friends. For my car. For my job. For my warm bed I sleep in every night. For the food that is never lacking. For the clothing that is never falling apart. For the Bible that comforts me when I'm going through dark times. For the dark times that bring me closer to God. For the bright times that leave me reeling from the display of His glory. I am thankful that I have so much when others have so little. I don't know why God decided that I was the one who got to have this amazing life I've been given, but I am going to do everything in my power to make Him look good.

So I guess all that's left to ask is...what are you thankful for?

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Truth.

To put it mildly, it has been a long...long journey.

I came to El Salvador knowing and expecting it would be hard. I have never been so far away from home before, nor for such a long period of time. During those quiet few minutes before I would fall asleep I would imagine what my trip would be like. I pictured myself becoming this amazing woman of God. I saw myself surrounded by a sea of orphans, sweating as I labored in the Central American sun to rebuild a home, speaking Spanish, and changing from the inside out. I imagined it would be hard because it is a new place. A new culture. A new kind of people. A new language.

Being here is whole different kind of difficult than I ever imagined. Yes, it is hard to be in a country completely different from my own. I never expected the majority of the fight here to be spiritual, though. It's like now that I'm growing closer to God, it makes me question all of the things I knew about myself before. Do I really know those things? I am doing this right? Can I still say that? Is that wrong? I keep stumbling over my own self and tripping myself up with my own thoughts. It's exaughsting, and the struggle bleeds over into the other aspects of my life. It has forced me to realize that things I knew for sure about myself before all of this are still true. I am still me. That's one of the things that scares me the most about going home. What if my friends who aren't Christians don't accept the new me? The new me who goes to God for everything before relying on myself. Will they accept that He is the biggest and best part of my life?

 The answer is: Who cares? If they are my real friends, they will not care. If they are friends that are meant to spend eternity by my side, then maybe I have been placed in their lives to lead them away from their lostness.

The past few weeks have been kind of crazy and I've been through a whirlwind of emotions. We go out to communities almost every Sunday and go door-to-door to share the Gospel. I struggle with this so much. Every week it seems like I just get weighed down and tired and all I want to do is run away because my nerves get the best of me. I feel like I'm in middle school all over again and I can't find my words. A few weeks ago, however, I woke up on a Sunday and a sense of calm and joy washed over me. I attended church and actually understood the majority of the sermon for the first time since I've been here. During all of the worship songs I could barely sing because I was smiling so big. As we left for the community we were going to evangelize in, I prayed for God to use me in whatever way he wanted. Jorge's little sister Mayrita translated for me, and the first house we went to was a success. It was a man who had accepted Christ before, but found himself lost and far from Him. We led him back. The next person we talked to was a Catholic, and we shared with her how the only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ and not through good deeds alone. We planted the thought in her mind. The next lady we encountered was older, and she was a devout Christian. I shared my story with her and talked with her about faith. We reminded her why she loves Christ in the first place. The next woman we talked to was in her forties or fifties. As I shared my testimony with her, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was timid and quiet, but when we asked if she would like to accpet Christ a smile broke out on her face and she said "YES!" and I led her in prayer. (In Spanish). I led her to Christ. I will see her in eternity. There is no feeling like it.

Johnny Condrey graced us with his presence this week for the Timothy Barnabus Conference along with Johnny Hunt and Steve Flockhart. It was so good to hang out with him. He is so encouraging! He and Kirby's parents took us to the beach for three days. It was incredible, as all beach trips are, but this time was especially amazing. I was swimming in the ocean with a boogie board, minding my own business, when a monster of a wave overtook me. I was rolled around beneath the water and couldn't find my way back to the surface. My lungs were burning and I began to panick. Luckily I had the boogie board attatched to my ankle, and I was able to use it to pop up to the surface after the wave was done with me. Witnessing the power of the ocean firsthand honestly scared me. It thoroughly and utterly frightened me. It just made me realize just how powerful God is. He created the ocean, and the ocean is an uncontrolable force in itself. God could wipe me off the face of this planet in a instant if He wanted to. That's what makes His love for me so profound. I am nothing but a blip on His radar. Blinking and beeping for no more than a second before I'm gone. Yet, He still loves me so much that He gave His ONLY son for my imperfections. For my sin. For your sin. For this entire world.

The Timothy Barnabus Conference was incredible. It was long and it was an intense amount of information being thrown at me all at once, but each message the pastors preached set my heart on fire for God more and more with every word. As a new Christian I had no idea how much hearing a pastor preach every Sunday is necessary. I love the language of Spanish, but I'm just not there yet. The English preaching was like a breath of fresh air, but the pastors are gone now. It's time to get back to my work here and crack down for the next 28 days I have.

December is approaching soon and I can imagine the cold weather that I will be faced with in the United States. It will be a chilling winter away from the warm sunshine and serenity El Salvador has presented me with. I know, though, that my love for God will keep my soul ablaze, and the joy I will have from spending time with my friends and family will keep my heart at ease.

All For His Glory,
Taylor