The warm humid air whips violently through my hair as I stick my head out the window of the Rodriguez truck. We pass spectacular views of mountains and little shacks splattered across the landscape on our way to the beach. Green mingles with colors of every variety that form an image of beauty and surrealness. As I gaze upon the majestic land before me I can hardly believe my own eyes. It can't possibly be real, yet it is. It is as though God took a paintbrush and paid unique attention to each and every tree branch...every curve of a moutainside... every steep drop of a cliff...nothing has been spared His own special touch.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own worlds. Our own problems. Our own lives. No one could possibly be going through the same thing as me right now because it's just that intense of a time, right? Wrong. Look at the person next to you the next time you're in a room full of people. He or she is experiencing something. The person across from you... he or she is going through a hardship. The person behind you... he or she is coming into a new phase of their life. No one is without problems. No one is without happiness.
At the beginning of this semester there was one point where I was ready to cow out, pack up my things and leave. After all that I've been through I didn't deserve to go through more, right? Especally not in the place where I am supposed to be given a new beginning. After those thoughts crossed my mind, I took a step back and looked around me. The air swirls in peaceful tranquility. There's no rush to get going. No pressure to be somewhere at this time or else. Even the trees sway back and forth in reckless abandon. El Salvador for me has turned into a place where my mind is allowed to shut down it's over-analyzing. It's a place where God touches my heart each and every day. It's a place where I'm finally coming into my own.
I am so incredibly happy. I am so incredibly open to God's plan for my life. My heart soars with love for Him every time I do anything. My life is being moved by Him in a direction I am still unsure of, but I am confident in His will and His power. There was no better decision than coming to El Salvador. That I am absolutely sure of.
All For His Glory,
Taylor
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Soy Una Creación Nueva
I have been back in El Salvador for less than four days and I have already been through a bigger whirlwind of emotions than I ever imagined this semester would present me with. To begin, I had to say goodbye to my family once again after spending an amazing Christmas break with them. Going to New York with my Philly and experiencing a whole new culture shock really rocked me, but getting to spend that time with him and getting to know my oldest sister a little bit better was incredible. My family and I experienced more emotional trauma while I was there, and even though I hate that we had to go through something yet again, I know it's brought us closer than ever. My parents are so incredible. I don't know what more I could ever ask for in role models, providers and friends. The plane ride was very easy; only three hours and the flight was half empty, so Wes, Tiffany, Katelyn and I all got to sit together. Although I had to give my boyfriend one last kiss to last for the next four, potentially six months, I know this experience will only strengthen us and enhance our foundation in God.
In order to truely become immersed in the culture this semester, we have all been separated into different host homes. From the beginning I was not sure where I was going to be placed. I was under the impression that I would be staying with Pastor Francisco's mother-in-law. That fell through and then I was told I might be staying with Silvia's family. It turned out that Kirby is staying with them. When I arrived at good ole Pizza Hut to eat lunch with Pastor Fran, I was told that I would be living with not only a family I have never met, but also a family that does not attend our church, but a daughter church. Needless to say I became a bit nervous, but I knew that God would look after me and it would teach me something in the end. I had no doubt in my mind that if they were putting me there, they knew it was safe. After hours of talking and removing our things left behind at the Rodriguez home, I was dropped off at the daughter church that my surrogate father was the Pastor of. I sat in an office for an hour and half until he was finished with a sermon and then I finally met him and his wife. The Gomez family is extremely nice. Every time I would thank them for anything they would shake their heads and tell me it was an honor to serve me. It really put into perspective just how selfless some people can genuinely be in this world.
Despite how amazing the family was, the moment I stepped into their home I felt a black cloud descend over my heart and I felt a suffocating feeling overwhelm me. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the house itself. It might just be the fact that I knew nothing about the family and I had zero common ground with them whatsoever. As I unpacked my things in the 10 x 5 room tears rolled down my cheeks. I have never felt so alone. So petrified. So absolutely ready to just get the heck out of there and go to school the next day. I had no appetite and the thought of eating made my throat close up with fresh tears. Every time I thought about the fact that that would be my home for the next four months, a new wave of dread rolled over me and slowly drowned me. Depression is something that I've had to deal with in the past, and I sensed that if I was forced to stay in that home, that it's grips would take hold of me again and not let go without a fight.
The next day going to school was a relief, but afterwards I sat down in my room and refused to be locked away in my misery. I called Pastor Mario and he picked me up so I could hang out with Leah, who he is housing. I decided to go to church that night even though they gave us the night off so I could discuss an alternative place of living with Pastor Fran. I couldn't even say a word to him. The thought of having to go back to that house that night made me sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I was crying. I had an absolute breakdown. I was crying in front of a man I need to respect me, and I couldn't even get a word out to defend the request I was making of him. Through the tears and the embarrasment, I guess he finally understood the pain I was suffering from. It was real and genuine, and because of that he decided to move me back into the Rodriguez house, where at least I had some sense of normalcy...not to mention lots and lots of sunlight in their openly designed home. He told me that if I would stay there for a few days so that he could talk with Pastor Gomez and not offend him, he would get me out as soon as possible.
Mario drove me back and went to talk with Pastor Gomez and explain the situation. Roberto Gomez decided that he did not want me to have to stay in his home for another second if it would cause me any sort of mental or emotional turmoil. Mario returned for me and I left that night.
Throughout all of this I kept begging God just to let me know He was there with me. He was there in the daughter of Pastor Gomez, who talked to me and was so nice to me. He was there in Mario, who supported me and did everything in his power to get me where I would be stable. He was there in Pastor Francisco, who had a change of heart and allowed me to move. He is there in Wes, who talked to me every day and assured me that I would be okay and that he was there for me. He was there in the Rodriguez family, who took me in without a second thought. God surrounded me throughout the entire ordeal. Maybe this is His way of saying, "look kid, I know you've got issues, but I'm here. I've got you. I won't ever leave you."
I love God. I love Him above everything else in this world. I have never been more sure of that in my life. I am serene and ready to take on whatever else El Salvador decides to throw at me this semester.
In the end, it's...
All For His Glory,
Taylor
In order to truely become immersed in the culture this semester, we have all been separated into different host homes. From the beginning I was not sure where I was going to be placed. I was under the impression that I would be staying with Pastor Francisco's mother-in-law. That fell through and then I was told I might be staying with Silvia's family. It turned out that Kirby is staying with them. When I arrived at good ole Pizza Hut to eat lunch with Pastor Fran, I was told that I would be living with not only a family I have never met, but also a family that does not attend our church, but a daughter church. Needless to say I became a bit nervous, but I knew that God would look after me and it would teach me something in the end. I had no doubt in my mind that if they were putting me there, they knew it was safe. After hours of talking and removing our things left behind at the Rodriguez home, I was dropped off at the daughter church that my surrogate father was the Pastor of. I sat in an office for an hour and half until he was finished with a sermon and then I finally met him and his wife. The Gomez family is extremely nice. Every time I would thank them for anything they would shake their heads and tell me it was an honor to serve me. It really put into perspective just how selfless some people can genuinely be in this world.
Despite how amazing the family was, the moment I stepped into their home I felt a black cloud descend over my heart and I felt a suffocating feeling overwhelm me. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the house itself. It might just be the fact that I knew nothing about the family and I had zero common ground with them whatsoever. As I unpacked my things in the 10 x 5 room tears rolled down my cheeks. I have never felt so alone. So petrified. So absolutely ready to just get the heck out of there and go to school the next day. I had no appetite and the thought of eating made my throat close up with fresh tears. Every time I thought about the fact that that would be my home for the next four months, a new wave of dread rolled over me and slowly drowned me. Depression is something that I've had to deal with in the past, and I sensed that if I was forced to stay in that home, that it's grips would take hold of me again and not let go without a fight.
The next day going to school was a relief, but afterwards I sat down in my room and refused to be locked away in my misery. I called Pastor Mario and he picked me up so I could hang out with Leah, who he is housing. I decided to go to church that night even though they gave us the night off so I could discuss an alternative place of living with Pastor Fran. I couldn't even say a word to him. The thought of having to go back to that house that night made me sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I was crying. I had an absolute breakdown. I was crying in front of a man I need to respect me, and I couldn't even get a word out to defend the request I was making of him. Through the tears and the embarrasment, I guess he finally understood the pain I was suffering from. It was real and genuine, and because of that he decided to move me back into the Rodriguez house, where at least I had some sense of normalcy...not to mention lots and lots of sunlight in their openly designed home. He told me that if I would stay there for a few days so that he could talk with Pastor Gomez and not offend him, he would get me out as soon as possible.
Mario drove me back and went to talk with Pastor Gomez and explain the situation. Roberto Gomez decided that he did not want me to have to stay in his home for another second if it would cause me any sort of mental or emotional turmoil. Mario returned for me and I left that night.
Throughout all of this I kept begging God just to let me know He was there with me. He was there in the daughter of Pastor Gomez, who talked to me and was so nice to me. He was there in Mario, who supported me and did everything in his power to get me where I would be stable. He was there in Pastor Francisco, who had a change of heart and allowed me to move. He is there in Wes, who talked to me every day and assured me that I would be okay and that he was there for me. He was there in the Rodriguez family, who took me in without a second thought. God surrounded me throughout the entire ordeal. Maybe this is His way of saying, "look kid, I know you've got issues, but I'm here. I've got you. I won't ever leave you."
I love God. I love Him above everything else in this world. I have never been more sure of that in my life. I am serene and ready to take on whatever else El Salvador decides to throw at me this semester.
In the end, it's...
All For His Glory,
Taylor
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