The trees are empty of leaves and the world is a cold and barren place. Dark colors surround me and the freezing air chills me to the bone. Winter time has set in in full force here in Georgia and it's never felt more weird than it does to me today. Before coming back here two weeks ago, I had prepared myself for the fact that it would be strange to be thrown back into my old world. I knew I would see things differently. I knew it would be hard to leave this all behind again for another five months. I didn't prepare myself for the deep longing for the sunshine. For the random sentences in Spanish I form inside my head and then realize that even if I did voice them no one would understand. For the love that's only grown stronger here.
The first few days I was back in the States I felt completely out of place. It didn't seem real. It was like I never left but I completely missed the fall and the onset of winter. It was like I had amnesia and the past four months in El Salvador were a dream. It was extremely unsettling and I found myself staring off into space on more than one ocasion. After a few days, though, I snapped out of it and got back into the swing of things. It's been such a blessing to be able to spend time with my family again and see my friends. They talk about college and taking finals and it all seems so surreal.
I can't imagine what my life would be like had I chose to ignore God's movement in my heart and go straight to college. Who would I be? I would not be growing in my relationship with Christ. I would probably still be a hypocrite; living with God but never for God. I would still be naive to the fact that there is a whole world out there besides the United States and it is in desperate need of help. I would never be as thankful as I am for the life I've been blessed with as I am now. There is nothing about my experience thus far in El Salvador that I would take back. Every part of it has forced me to grow and learn somehow. The drama in the house at the beginning of the semester. The intense homesickness. The days of doubt in myself and in God. The days when it all felt so pointless. The smiles on the beautiful faces of the kids at the school and at the homeless ministry. The sheer majestic beauty of the landscape. The days where God's presence in my life felt so real and tangible. The days where all I did was nap and read my Bible and eat Price Smart doughnuts. The woman I lead to Christ.
I appreciate the bad days I had, because without them I could never recognize just how amazing my good days have been. Had I not gone on this trip, I would not have found my first love in Jesus Christ, and my second love in a little blonde boy. This journey is only halfway through and already I am changed beyond anything I could have imagined or hoped for. I left my home to try to escape the things that were happening here, and now that I am back it all seems so much easier to take in. I know now that no matter what happens in my life, whether it is in my childhood home in Georgia or my new home in El Salvador, God is with me. He is so good to me and coming home I have never recognized His love more.
I am looking forward to going back. It's so easy to be here and fall back into the luxury I've been accustomed to my entire life. I want to finish out this journey knowing what God wants for my life and when that moment comes, I will do everything in my power to make it happen and glorify Him. The rest of my time spent here will be dedicated to my family and my friends and preparing myself for the last stretch of this incredible journey. There are going to be many more new experiences in my future for second semester, and I have a funny feeling that God is going to rock my world like only He is capable of. Well, here I am God. Feel free to rock me as hard as You know I can take it.
All For His Glory,
Taylor
