Blow Me Away.

The trees are empty of leaves and the world is a cold and barren place. Dark colors surround me and the freezing air chills me to the bone. Winter time has set in in full force here in Georgia and it's never felt more weird than it does to me today. Before coming back here two weeks ago, I had prepared myself for the fact that it would be strange to be thrown back into my old world. I knew I would see things differently. I knew it would be hard to leave this all behind again for another five months. I didn't prepare myself for the deep longing for the sunshine. For the random sentences in Spanish I form inside my head and then realize that even if I did voice them no one would understand. For the love that's only grown stronger here.

The first few days I was back in the States I felt completely out of place. It didn't seem real. It was like I never left but I completely missed the fall and the onset of winter. It was like I had amnesia and the past four months in El Salvador were a dream. It was extremely unsettling and I found myself staring off into space on more than one ocasion. After a few days, though, I snapped out of it and got back into the swing of things. It's been such a blessing to be able to spend time with my family again and see my friends. They talk about college and taking finals and it all seems so surreal.

I can't imagine what my life would be like had I chose to ignore God's movement in my heart and go straight to college. Who would I be? I would not be growing in my relationship with Christ. I would probably still be a hypocrite; living with God but never for God. I would still be naive to the fact that there is a whole world out there besides the United States and it is in desperate need of help. I would never be as thankful as I am for the life I've been blessed with as I am now. There is nothing about my experience thus far in El Salvador that I would take back. Every part of it has forced me to grow and learn somehow. The drama in the house at the beginning of the semester. The intense homesickness. The days of doubt in myself and in God. The days when it all felt so pointless. The smiles on the beautiful faces of the kids at the school and at the homeless ministry. The sheer majestic beauty of the landscape. The days where God's presence in my life felt so real and tangible. The days where all I did was nap and read my Bible and eat Price Smart doughnuts. The woman I lead to Christ.

I appreciate the bad days I had, because without them I could never recognize just how amazing my good days have been. Had I not gone on this trip, I would not have found my first love in Jesus Christ, and my second love in a little blonde boy. This journey is only halfway through and already I am changed beyond anything I could have imagined or hoped for. I left my home to try to escape the things that were happening here, and now that I am back it all seems so much easier to take in. I know now that no matter what happens in my life, whether it is in my childhood home in Georgia or my new home in El Salvador, God is with me. He is so good to me and coming home I have never recognized His love more.

I am looking forward to going back. It's so easy to be here and fall back into the luxury I've been accustomed to my entire life. I want to finish out this journey knowing what God wants for my life and when that moment comes, I will do everything in my power to make it happen and glorify Him. The rest of my time spent here will be dedicated to my family and my friends and preparing myself for the last stretch of this incredible journey. There are going to be many more new experiences in my future for second semester, and I have a funny feeling that God is going to rock my world like only He is capable of. Well, here I am God. Feel free to rock me as hard as You know I can take it.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

Ya'll Ready For This?

The clock reads 12:04am, and I am snuggling into my bed when a thought hits me. There are less than two weeks before I return home. Joy and unbelievable excitement well up inside of me and I do a little happy squeal. Throughout my time here I have often wanted to go home. "Just for a day", I would say. "Just one week", I would think. Being here is uncomfortable. That's fine, because I'm not here to be comfortable. I am here to grow with God and try to open myself to what His plan is for my life. Thus far I'm still not sure what that is. I considered being a Pediatrician. Seeing the need of the kids here and how absolutely precious they are stirs a comforting, motherly side of me I did not know I possesed. I would love to use medical knowledge to do ministry in countries that are forced to go without medical help. I realized that that profession is extremely unreasonable for me. Is it a noble thought? Of course. Is it right for me? Probably not. I'm a bookworm. I love to use big words. I love to find that perfect arrangement of words that makes them take on a whole new level of imagery. Math and science are not, have never been and will most certainly never be my forte. Teaching English to the kids here has allowed me to discover I have a love for teaching.

 Me + English + Kids + Teaching = Education!

It could work. All I know is that I've still got time to figure it out, and a lot more praying to do.

Do not get me wrong, I love being here. I love seeing a different side of life than I knew existed. I love going to school every day and learning the language and going out into church and the city and putting it into use. I absolutely love interracting with my friends here because they have shown me what friendship can be like. I am becoming a better friend by being here. However, I have never been more ready to return home. I want to hug my momma. I want to watch football with my Philly. I want to look at ridiculous amounts of cute clothes that we cannot afford to buy with my little big sister. I want to interact with my brother, and attempt to reconnect with him. I want to see the new life my oldest sister has made for herself in New York with my brother-in-law. I want to work at Chick-Fil-A again. Not so much that it makes me unhappy again, but enough to serve people again with an open heart and a big, unwavering smile on my face. I want to laugh in the car with my best friends, and make late night runs to Dairy Queen. I want to sing at the top of my lungs with my mom to the songs that we love to listen to over and over again. There are so many things that I want and miss. I am mentally, physically, emotionally, and most of all spiritually exaughsted. It is time to go home. Rest. Renew my strength. Prepare myself for my final semester here in El Salvador, because I know it is going to be even more challenging than this one has been.

As amazing as it is going to be to see all of my family friends again, I know that it is when I am back home...surrounded by the luxuries of the United States, all the old temptations of my life... that the spiritual battle will hit me the hardest. Here it is easy to just take a step back and remind myself that God is with me. There are so few distractions here, it is almost effortless to fall into that peaceful place where I can just sit and praise God. It will be when I am in my old world, that my new self will be tested the most severely.

Ephesians 6:10-18 says, " ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. "

I am ready.

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Unstoppable.

Today in the United States, thousands of families are united at least for a little while. They put their differences aside, and gather around a table to celebrate the simple act of being thankful. How many times a day, week, or even year do you just take a moment to step back and praise God for what you're thankful for? I know I thank Him every single day for the things I've been given. It's so easy to be thankful when I've been blessed with so much. More than I could ever hope to repay Him for. It's harder to thank Him for those times when I wasn't sure where I would end up, or if my family would ever heal from the things we've been faced with. It is hard, but those times when He was all I had to cling to, are the times that made me who I am today. Without those times I would still be a shy girl who was afraid to voice her opinion because she feared the judgement of others. These days the only judgement that will truely affect me is the judgement of God. These days I am strong. God has lifted me back onto my feet every single time I've fallen down. I owe Him so much, and have so little to offer. He adores me anyways.

I skyped the little family that remains in Georgia for the holidays and it broke my heart not to be there for the first time in my life. However, when I look around at this new world and I see where I was before I came here, I am so incredibly thankful that I was not there for Thanksgiving this year. God's work in my life is greater and for more important than a meal with my family. He is forcing me to grow. He is forcing me to become reliant on Him instead of the warm embrace of my Momma and my Philly. It's so hard. It's excruciating, but I will be okay. My reward will be an eternity of peace, so what am I really losing? I get to spend my first holiday away from my family with a new kind of family. One that speaks a new language and eats a different kind of food, but we are all on fire for God. In the end, what more is there? What more could we possibly ask for?

So many times we ask the question "what are you thankful for" and go around the table just to hear the typical responses: "my family" "my friends" "my job" "my car" "bla bla bla". I want to challenge us to take a deeper look at our lives, and think about what our lives could be like if God were to turn away from us. His grace and His unconditional love are the only things worthy of being thanked. He is unstoppable.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for my family. For my friends. For my car. For my job. For my warm bed I sleep in every night. For the food that is never lacking. For the clothing that is never falling apart. For the Bible that comforts me when I'm going through dark times. For the dark times that bring me closer to God. For the bright times that leave me reeling from the display of His glory. I am thankful that I have so much when others have so little. I don't know why God decided that I was the one who got to have this amazing life I've been given, but I am going to do everything in my power to make Him look good.

So I guess all that's left to ask is...what are you thankful for?

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Truth.

To put it mildly, it has been a long...long journey.

I came to El Salvador knowing and expecting it would be hard. I have never been so far away from home before, nor for such a long period of time. During those quiet few minutes before I would fall asleep I would imagine what my trip would be like. I pictured myself becoming this amazing woman of God. I saw myself surrounded by a sea of orphans, sweating as I labored in the Central American sun to rebuild a home, speaking Spanish, and changing from the inside out. I imagined it would be hard because it is a new place. A new culture. A new kind of people. A new language.

Being here is whole different kind of difficult than I ever imagined. Yes, it is hard to be in a country completely different from my own. I never expected the majority of the fight here to be spiritual, though. It's like now that I'm growing closer to God, it makes me question all of the things I knew about myself before. Do I really know those things? I am doing this right? Can I still say that? Is that wrong? I keep stumbling over my own self and tripping myself up with my own thoughts. It's exaughsting, and the struggle bleeds over into the other aspects of my life. It has forced me to realize that things I knew for sure about myself before all of this are still true. I am still me. That's one of the things that scares me the most about going home. What if my friends who aren't Christians don't accept the new me? The new me who goes to God for everything before relying on myself. Will they accept that He is the biggest and best part of my life?

 The answer is: Who cares? If they are my real friends, they will not care. If they are friends that are meant to spend eternity by my side, then maybe I have been placed in their lives to lead them away from their lostness.

The past few weeks have been kind of crazy and I've been through a whirlwind of emotions. We go out to communities almost every Sunday and go door-to-door to share the Gospel. I struggle with this so much. Every week it seems like I just get weighed down and tired and all I want to do is run away because my nerves get the best of me. I feel like I'm in middle school all over again and I can't find my words. A few weeks ago, however, I woke up on a Sunday and a sense of calm and joy washed over me. I attended church and actually understood the majority of the sermon for the first time since I've been here. During all of the worship songs I could barely sing because I was smiling so big. As we left for the community we were going to evangelize in, I prayed for God to use me in whatever way he wanted. Jorge's little sister Mayrita translated for me, and the first house we went to was a success. It was a man who had accepted Christ before, but found himself lost and far from Him. We led him back. The next person we talked to was a Catholic, and we shared with her how the only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ and not through good deeds alone. We planted the thought in her mind. The next lady we encountered was older, and she was a devout Christian. I shared my story with her and talked with her about faith. We reminded her why she loves Christ in the first place. The next woman we talked to was in her forties or fifties. As I shared my testimony with her, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was timid and quiet, but when we asked if she would like to accpet Christ a smile broke out on her face and she said "YES!" and I led her in prayer. (In Spanish). I led her to Christ. I will see her in eternity. There is no feeling like it.

Johnny Condrey graced us with his presence this week for the Timothy Barnabus Conference along with Johnny Hunt and Steve Flockhart. It was so good to hang out with him. He is so encouraging! He and Kirby's parents took us to the beach for three days. It was incredible, as all beach trips are, but this time was especially amazing. I was swimming in the ocean with a boogie board, minding my own business, when a monster of a wave overtook me. I was rolled around beneath the water and couldn't find my way back to the surface. My lungs were burning and I began to panick. Luckily I had the boogie board attatched to my ankle, and I was able to use it to pop up to the surface after the wave was done with me. Witnessing the power of the ocean firsthand honestly scared me. It thoroughly and utterly frightened me. It just made me realize just how powerful God is. He created the ocean, and the ocean is an uncontrolable force in itself. God could wipe me off the face of this planet in a instant if He wanted to. That's what makes His love for me so profound. I am nothing but a blip on His radar. Blinking and beeping for no more than a second before I'm gone. Yet, He still loves me so much that He gave His ONLY son for my imperfections. For my sin. For your sin. For this entire world.

The Timothy Barnabus Conference was incredible. It was long and it was an intense amount of information being thrown at me all at once, but each message the pastors preached set my heart on fire for God more and more with every word. As a new Christian I had no idea how much hearing a pastor preach every Sunday is necessary. I love the language of Spanish, but I'm just not there yet. The English preaching was like a breath of fresh air, but the pastors are gone now. It's time to get back to my work here and crack down for the next 28 days I have.

December is approaching soon and I can imagine the cold weather that I will be faced with in the United States. It will be a chilling winter away from the warm sunshine and serenity El Salvador has presented me with. I know, though, that my love for God will keep my soul ablaze, and the joy I will have from spending time with my friends and family will keep my heart at ease.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

These Days.

My time here in El Salvador is approaching the three-month mark, and it seems like time has been rushing by. It's strange, because the longer I live here and grow accustomed to my new way of living, the more my life back in the United States seems farther and farther away. Just a second ago I was sitting on my bed reading my bible and I realized that I was content. The first couple of months I struggled every day not to miss the ease of being around people who know exactly who I am or just being able to go out and do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I ride down the streets in our van, sitting in my spot in the back with the window open, and it just feels so normal. If I were home, I would be going to KSU, driving around in my car, going to work, watching T.V. and eating all sorts of high-saturated fat filled foods. The ability of the human mind and body to adjust to being in a new place astounds me. Where before I was struggling to just accept things enough to get through them, they have become a normal part of my day.

Today was a pretty spectacular day. I knew it was going to be a good one the moment I woke up. I just had a feeling, and my heart felt lighter and more at ease than it has in a long time. I was even able to get more into the church service than I normally do. The band played all of my favorite songs and I was able to just go to a peaceful place in my heart and just love on God. In the afternoon I talked to my mom, grandmother and my dad. It was so incredibly good to hear their voices. As I enjoy my time here more and more, I get that much more excited for December because being here has pushed my love and adoration for my family and friends to the very front of my mind. I can't wait to go home and put the things I've been going through and learning here into action in my real world! Today the girls and I went to Puerta del Diablo (The Devil's Door) and climbed it with our host parents and sister. It's a beautiful mountain and the excercise was long over-due. ;) Kaylie, Leah and I rode in the back of the truck on the way there, and I just sat back and enjoyed the view as the truck climbed higher and higher.


  No matter how long I live here, I don't think the sheer beauty of this country will ever fail to take my breath away.

 It was so much fun to be able to just kick back and bond with our "family".



Mami y Papi

 On the way back down the mountain, all of us girls but Kirby (she's afraid of heights) rode a little zip-line to the bottom. It was a huge adrenaline rush even though it was just a baby zip-line.

 Some guys that we had met on our treck up surrounded me after and requested that I take pictures with them. They kept calling me a celebrity and I kept laughing and denying it, but the sad thing is is that they genuinely do put us up on a pedistool. Even at the school we are admired just for being Americans, and being different. I can't say I hate the affection they have for us, because I love to love peope and they are so eager to talk with us. I just hope that they can see past who they think we are, and get to know us well enough to discover who we really are. Jesus is the only one worth praising. Perhaps our celebrity amongst the people can be the key to sharing our hearts and relationships with God with them. Our mom also took us out to eat afterwards and we all realized, for the hundreth time, that we tend to eat far too much for normal human beings.

Tomorrow the entire group is headed to the beach for the day. Now that the kids are out of school and we don't teach anymore English classes this semester, we have more free time. Our next few weeks are going to be pretty busy, and I for one cannot wait to see what God has in store for our team for the last stretch of our time here. We're going to be visiting more of the country in our Seminary class. It will be a great way to go out and actually SEE what we're learning about. We're also planning a few more trips to the beach, the mountains, and even a day trip to some ruins here in the country. I'm finally starting to feel like I actually live in this country instead of feeling like an honored guest. The more and more I settle into my new found sense of Him in all things I do, the more I know my future holds something incredible. I'm content to enjoy this rollercoaster they call "life". Through the nerve wracking and heart grasping rises to the top and the stomach taking plunges over the edge, I know I will never fall off with God strapping me in.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

Take It All.

Sunday not only did I fail epically at Evangelizing, but I also fell off of a skateboard and bruised my tailbone. Two days later and I was sitting at our school minding my own business (reading my Bible for pete's sake) and kids playing soccer with a water bottle hit me in the face with their bottle. So now, I have a bruised bum, and a gnarly looking blackeye. You would think that I would be miserable, but strangely I feel so ALIVE. My nerves are buzzing with excitement over something I can't put into words. All I did today was go to class and read my Bible for a few hours. Yet I find myself increasingly happier and just content to sit and dive into God's word. Every day I fall more and more into just letting go of this world and finding my joy through Him. Today I was reading in Matthew about the crucifixtion of Jesus and His resurrection, and I am reeling from the aftershock of thankfulness I am left with. I am so unworthy, and I realized that there is nothing that I can do during my time here in El Salvador that would be more beneficial than just sitting back and letting myself fall more and more in love with MY GOD! I know Christians go through highs and lows of their "fire" for God. It's normal some days to feel like, hey I'm just not feeling God today even though I know He's always there. I'm going to ride this fire until I can't feel it burning anymore, and then I'm going to find some way to set my soul ablaze again. Maybe if I fuel myself enough every single day, I won't ever have to loose this new light in my life. I don't plan to let this go. I don't plan to ever go back to the way I was before. I don't plan to fall back into being a complacent Christian. Skeptics constantly ask, why should I believe in something that I have no tangible proof of? Well that's faith isn't it? I don't need to see it to believe it, but right about now...I'm feeling something MAJOR stirring inside of me. I'm leaving the desert of my past behind me. I'm revelling in the storm brewing in my heart and mind and soul this very second. I'm welcoming the thunder and lightning and torrential rain that await me in my future. Here I am, Lord. Pour over me.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

I Run To Your Arms Of Love.

So here's straight up how it is. I've been living as a Christian for what, maybe three months tops? I've come to realize that I have abosolutely no idea what I'm doing. I've spent the last three years of my life trying to be the rock of my family. Nothing could touch me. Nothing could get to me. I always had to be that shoulder everyone could cry on. It ashamed me those few times I did break down in front of someone else. So now I'm faced with the prospect of completely tearing down all the walls I've worked so long to perfect in order to give my life competely to God. It's excruciating. I feel numb. It's affecting my personality and I know I'm not being myself. What can I do? Pray. I pray everyday for the strength to just make it through the day without breaking down. I pray that God will consume me and take the reigns of my life. I pray that he will give me some sign that after all this time, something will finally be okay again. I've never had so many emotions coursing through my brain at one time. I feel like a child. I feel so ignorant. I feel helpless, but I'm slowly learning to just shut my mind up and say, "look, God is the one who loves you unconditionally, forever. Suck it up and just be." Unfortunately I've never been the type of person to just be able to flow without thinking about the future and what every decision I make will mean. The few times I've ever done that have backfired on me, and have caused my walls to build up layer after layer. The walls around my heart are fortified to the point I don't even know where to begin chipping them away. There's no one who can help me but God himself.

I came here thinking I was going to leave my old life behind and finally start anew. No more family drama. No more friend mishaps. No more caring about anything superficial and trivial. Don't get me wrong, I've never been the type of person to rely heavily on the things of this world. I've learned to become content with what I've been handed to me for a while now. I am human, though, and I've allowed those silly types of things to control my mind and every thought of everyday to the point I just want to run away and not have to look at anyone anymore. The past two months I've let the things of this world consume me more than I ever have in my life. I've acted moody. I've acted stupid. I've acted hateful for the sake of entertaining myself. I've acted callous and like I don't care. I've shut my entire team out so that they don't know how truely lost I am. I've lost sense of what made me who I am in the first place. Everything I've gone through to make me the strong human being I am today has been completely brushed off these past two months. I search my soul and I scream silent screams in the darkness, hot tears coursing down my face, because it hurts so much to recognize how lost I've become.

So the question is, am I going to trust in my inherent sense of what's right and what's wrong and just get over myself? Am I going to tear down the walls for the sake of letting my one true love take over my heart and soul? Am I going to allow myself to be changed, so that when I come home at the end of this people will stand up and notice that there's something different about me? Am I going to become the person God wants me to be, or will I just sit back and let my life happen to me?

I am silly.
I am stupid.
I am reckless.
I am unworthy.
I am a cheater.
I am a gossiper.
I have been a bad friend.
I have not been worthy of being loved by other human beings.
I have not been compassionate.
I have been selfish.

But... at the end of the day, those traits are human. God's love for me exceeds all human flaws because he knows I am incapable of being anything other than human. God will not, and does not need to chase after me. The biggest decision of a Christian's life is to accept Jesus as their Savior and then dedicate their lives to glorifying His sacrifice for us. I've got part one down, it's the second part I'm going to dedicate the rest of my time and energy on this trip and through the rest of my life to being the best I can be in the eyes of God. Think about it, the things you take pride in and the things you've accomplished and the things that you hold dear to your heart...does God take precedence over all of them? I know He doesn't in my life. It's all going to change though. Not instantly, because the things that are worth it are the hardest and most trying and time consuming to achieve. So I challenge you as I challenge myself. I challege us to destroy our former selves and let God's kingdom live within us. Not only live within us, but prosper like it's meant to. The time is going to come where God is truely my everything, and when that day comes everything else will fall into place. All He wants is to be the most important thing in my life. My reason for living.

WATCH THIS BEFORE MOVING ON.

If you think about it, really think about it, is that so much to ask? I cry out to God asking Him and begging Him to just make it "okay" and to bring me some sort of hope. When did "okay" become the goal in life? The day I decide that the things of this world mean nothing to me, is the day that everything I ever needed will be provided for me by my Lord. I am here to be a servant of the world around me, so that the things I do will glorify God. I am here to be a servant of the Lord, and a true servant does what is needed with no questions asked and without expecation of reward.

Matthew 25:45 "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me". If I don't take every opportunity to serve, then I am not serving Christ. If I take every opportunity to serve, then I am serving Christ. It's time to snuff out the glamorous prospects of being "on fire for Jesus" and being a missionary, and just being a servant. In the words of my friend Nathan, "It's time I wait for the good stuff, and chase after the great stuff."

No more worries. My day is going to come.

All for HIS Glory,
Taylor

I Don't Want To Go Through The Motions.

Four days from now I will have been living in El Salvador for exactly two months. Where did the time go? Here's what I've learned thus far:
-Life is too short not to take advantage of everyday.
-Friends are too precious not to love them each and every time you see them or talk to them.
-God is the only one who can truely give me joy in this life.
-Jesus died for me, and because of that my life will be dedicated to honoring that sacrifice.
-Rules are made for a reason, and are meant to be respected. Following them is not an option.
-The other members of my team were chosen by God to be here for a reason, so it's up to me to respect them and decide to love them, even when all I want to do is run away.
-This experience is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I have no right to squander it by being discontent.
-Being discontent is a choice, just like being unhappy happens when we let ourselves fall under the mercy of things out of our control.
-I am in control of what I get out of this experience. Nothing anyone says or does can change that.
-God has a plan for me, but it's up to me to let him take control and make it happen.

September was a month of never ending rain and cold nights. It was a month of self-doubt and insecurity in myself and the decision I made by coming here. It was the last time I will ever let myself complain about having downtime. Some people don't even have a bed to sleep in, and I am mad that I have time to think and grow in my relationship with God. It was a month of letting my teammates quarrel and always resort back to being separated no matter how many times someone would bring us back together.

October greets me with a sunny morning and a cool wind to blow away my doubts. El Salvador is awake and pulsating today, as am I. The weather gets warmer and warmer, but I refuse to sweat the small things. I want to wake up every morning, feeling my heart beating, and know that I am alive. I am alive and as long as my heart beats, I will truely live for every moment to the fullest. My team is finally coming together, as we should be. We are united in our mission: to glorify God. We stand united against the evil in this world, and seeing our interactions is going to change the people we touch.

I miss the people I love at home everyday. As suprising as it sounds, I actually miss Chick-Fil-A too. Not the overpowering smell of chicken that follows me home after work every night, but the people who I've met there. That place has changed my life for the better. As much as I wish I could just spend a few days with my family and doing the things I'm accustomed to, there is work to be done here. At the beginning of this journey I told myself I was going to come out of it a changed person. I'm through with going through the motions here. Doing only what is necessary to look like I'm getting something out of it. I am going to take avantage of everyday, and at the end of this...the world I knew before will be rocked by my new presence in it. At the end of the day, this is all for my relationship with God. Some days I'll sit down and think about how different I was even last year. God keeps changing my life for the better over and over again, and I am floored by the extent of His love for us. We are not worthy. We are never thankful enough. We are so imperfect. We have the audacity to tell Him "no" over and over again and yet He is always there for us. He does not need us, but we will never see a day when we need Him any less. I refuse to come out of this life asking myself, "What if I had given everything"?

Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

Heartbreak Warfare.

The past week I've been feeling something building inside of me. It wasn't necessarily a good or bad feeling, I just knew something was brooding in my heart and I couldn't figure out why it was making my emotions feel so up and down. I am tired. Sad. Angry. Happy. Content. Confused. Hurt. Unbelieveably faithful. It's so hard to figure out what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it. I'm constantly surrounded by people I don't truely know and I see things everyday that hurt just to look at.

Our team has been unbearably separated and distant and hateful with each other for a while now, and on Tuesday during Discipleship class with Pastor Mario we laid it all out in the open. Everyone let it be known how they were feeling towards everyone in the group. It was decided that the boys are going to move out. It will give us girls a better chance to bond and get to know each other without the distraction of testosterone overload hanging around, and it will give the boys a chance to just be boys and not feel so suffocated by six girls. We also decided that switching roomates for a week would be a great way to get to know each other more personally. I'm paired up with Tiffany for the time being, and when she found out she had to room with me she claimed to be having a panic attack in her mind. I don't know why anyone would be afraid of getting to know me, but it's all good now. The change in the atmosphere of the group is tangable. Everyone's attitudes are already changing for the better. We're all 18 or 19 years old, so we all just have a lot of growing up to do. We have to learn how to accept each other and love each other even when we don't understand. We're called to, so we must do it.

The past week has been pretty standard. Our routine here is pretty monotonous unless something special is going on. Mondays we hang around the house and get some rest. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays we have school until 12:30 and then either Discipleship, Evangelism, or Seminary classes until 2:30/3:30. Wednesdays we go to school, and then attend church at night. Saturdays we go to the Rescue Ministry for the homeless and attend youth group at night. Sundays are consumed with church and evangelism. This past Sunday we teamed up with one of the daughter churches, Iglesia Bautista La Gloria, to go out in the community and share our testimonies door-to-door. Katelyn was my partner, and her stage fright got the best of her. She's constantly having to battle it and I sympathize with her so much. I remember days in middle school where I would turn bright red in front of my class and rush through presentations so I could just sit down and have everyone stop looking at me. I decided to ease her of her misery and shared my testimony with all of the houses willing to hear. It is physically and emotionally draining sharing the story of your life. Everytime you share it you have a new hope that you will touch your audience and that they will come to know Christ, and everytime they turn you away (not necessarily impolitely) you feel disappointed. I know that when the day comes where my story leads someone to their salvation, every failure and rejection will be made worth it.

The kids had a teacher work day today so they didn't have classes. We, however, still went to school for Seminary and Spanish class. Our Seminary teacher was unable to show up because he was called into a meeting, and one of our Spanish teachers was a no-show, so we sat around for four hours and had only one hour of classes. Somehow I didn't get frustrated at the way the day turned out. Our church is located right next to a poor area. Our classroom is on the top floor, so while the others were on their computers, Wes and I stepped out and sat by the back stairs. All I did was let the wind blow through my hair as I observed the community below. The houses are literally stacked one on top of the other and children run through the alleys between buildings. Some of the men down there have an aura of such anger surrounding them. I don't know what they've been through. I don't know their circumstances. All I know is that I wish there was something I could do to strip them of their anger and fears. I wish I was more than a inexperienced eighteen year old girl. That building feeling of something I've been having all week finally exploded in my heart. A sense of complete calm and serenity has washed over me and I know that God is preparing my heart for the day when I'll have the means to help these people. I'm going to change the life of someone someday. God has it all figured out, so I have no need to worry.

I complain because we have so much downtime and that I thought I was going to be experiencing life changing events. I was so consummed by my disappointment in the excess of bordum that I never realized how much this truely is changing me. I am letting the control of my life slip through my fingers and into God's open arms. I am letting my pride fly away on the wind and not letting petty thoughts poison my mind. I am figuring out that I have so much to offer this world because of the chances I've been blessed with. I am looking out my windows and seeing the hurt of the world. I'm letting myself be changed, because if we never let the things that make our heart ache truely change us, then we are lost. I am becoming who I am meant to be, one day at a time.

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Here's Lookin' At You Kid.

How precious do we really consider life? Do we really think about how little time we have, or do we just live everyday like we have all the time in world? I lost one of my friends yesterday. He is the first person I've ever known that's died and I honestly don't know how to feel. It absolutely breaks my heart and my mind is like a movie reel of memories I've made with him playing over and over again. I remember looking out my window at my house and seeing him riding his bike down the street or riding a skateboard. He always seemed to have a cast or an injury growing up because he was so fearless and always hurt himself playing baseball or doing something crazy. He was always active and I envy his athletic ability even to this day. The first time I ever played Mario Tennis was in his basement. We would jump on John Paul Steele's trampoline for hours in our neighborhood. I would sit on the curb by his house while I watched him and my brother and the other boys of the neighborhood playing street hockey or any number of sports. The first time I ever listened to "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey was with him in Personal Fitness our junior year of high school. I remember laughing so hard because he was singing along to it like a fool. He didn't care what people thought of him. He was always joking around having a good time. I'm not going to lie, he wasn't my best friend in the world and I'm not going to pretend I knew everything about him. But he WAS my friend and I looked forward to managing the baseball team at Kell simply because I loved to see him play along with the other guys. Our Junior year I couldn't drive yet, and I remember feeling so cool because I got to ride home with him and his older brother from the games. I remember when all of sudden a bunch of my friends thought he was so cute and I again felt so smug because I had known him my whole life. I remember so many nights being on headset at Chick-Fil-A and his dad ordering a Dr. Pepper (no ice) and an Arnold Palmer for himself. It always made my day to see that family come through my drive-thru. I am so blessed to have reconnected with him in high school, because I would never trade hearing him call me "T-Timeeee" down the hallways for anything. The last time I ever saw him was at the Braves vs Mets game in early August. Seeing him didn't even register as something special in my mind, because he's always been there. He's always been in my life, so I never truely valued what an awesome kid he is. I don't even want to think about him in the past tense, because it doesn't seem possible that I can't hate on him for being a Yankees fan anymore.

 Now that I think about it, how many friends do I have that I've just let go because I "don't have time" to catch up or because I'm in another country? What kind of excuse is that? You can't put off being someone's friend for another day. Can you honestly say you know you'll be here another day? Is it worth risking never getting to say goodbye to someone? I can't help but think that if I had been home and had hung out with him I could have seen the signs. I could have said something. I could have reassured him that he had a whole brilliant life to live. I could have sung "Don't Stop Believin'" to him. I could have done anything. Suicide is such a sensitive subject. You will always think "if I could have just...bla bla bla". It's not anyone's fault, yet I know I can't help but wish I could have tried to reach him. At the end of the day it is what it is, and all we can do is pray that he's watching a Yankees game in Heaven right now.

I am not willing to let another life of a friend slip through my fingertips. I am not willing to let another life blink out of this world feeling like there is no other option. I am not willing to get another phone call saying one of my friends is dead. I am not willing to throw away a friendship because I don't have time. Each day is precious, because in the big picture...our days ARE numbered. So will we spend them mourning the days we should have made the most of, or will we learn from our yesterdays in order to make our tomorrow the best it can be?

Rest in peace, Zachary Quinn Grillo. Thanks to you I value each and every minute of the days I have left. Thanks to you I will never take another life for granted. Thanks to you I am a fan of Journey. Thanks to you I push myself to run just a little bit harder, because you could always run for miles. I will never forget you, and your entire family will forever be in my heart. You'll always be my favorite #7.

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Now I'm Free, Free Fallin'.

There is literally no silence here unless you go looking for it. With eight eighteen to nineteen year old kids living together, I guess it's to be expected. So I've escaped to the enormous front balcony to find some relief for my whirrling mind. I think it's about to rain, because the clouds are gigantic and a smokey blue grey color. They completely shroud the volcano in front of me in an ominous halo and the temperature has dropped significantly.

 I find it funny how I never realized how much of an introvert I can be sometimes. I hate not having my own space to sit and think and just clear my head in. I hate having to constantly be held accountable for the way I'm feeling. Sometimes you just feel sad, or sometimes you just feel angry, just like sometimes you feel happy. No one questions you when you're happy, so why does there always have to be something wrong if I just don't feel like smiling 24/7? I along with others are beginning to feel the strain of living with such a diverse group of individuals. I know I personally feel trapped being in the house and the church and the school all day, everyday. There is so much more to this country than just San Salvador, and thus far I feel like I'm nestled in my little safe cocoon not experiencing what the country has to offer. I know that eventually we will be able to go through the country and explore it's treasures, just right now when I'm feeling so disconnected from the majority of the group I feel more suffocated than ever.

I know who I am. I know how certain situations make me feel, and I know how to react to different types of personalities that clash with my own. I know how to listen to someone. I know I'm terrible at expressing how I feel unless it's on paper. I am fortunate enough to have gone through some of the hardest moments of my life, because they have made me into who I am today sooner and more severely than most ever get to. I was talking to my dad today and he made such a good point about life. The things I'm going through now with the attitudes of people here are so similar to the things I experienced with my softball team three years ago. It's funny how situations parallel to each other and prepare you for dealing with them each time they present themselves to you. I know that the only way our team is going to get through this is if we get a wake up call. We are here for a single purpose: to stand united in order to imerse ourselves in the language and culture of El Salvador for the glory of God. If we allow little things about each other get under our skin, we will never accomplish our goal fully, and I garuntee we will look back on this year and regret not making the most of it. We simply need a better understanding of each other. We are the way we are because of something that we've experienced before. If certain things bother you about someone, so what? Get over it, because life isn't about cotton candy and fairies. Either you accept that people are who they are and let yourself adapt to being around them, or you let it consume you and destroy the central reason you came here in the first place.

I personally have grown so much closer to the Lord and discovered how being reliant on Him instead of things of this world makes the way people act seem so much more insignificant. We could all use a lot more of this in our lives. Are you going to let the things of this world control how you come out of it in the end? Are you going to allow the devil to infiltrate your heart and mind and ruin your work for God? Are you willing to let what someone else does affect the way you see the world? You have your own two eyes, so you're either going to use them to see in a whole new light, or you're going to look through goggles fogged by the outlook of someone else.

The clouds have turned black and the wind makes them move in wispy swirls that make my heart squeeze with fear of the storm to come. Nature is proof of how fleeting the things of this world are, and how precious every moment is. In one moment the world will be set on fire by the rain slashing against the earth and lightning tearing the sky open, and in the next moment the sun will pour through the clouds and signal all is well. If each moment is so fleeting, wouldn't it be better spent to dance in the rain than hide from it? Wouldn't it be better spent to bask in the sunlight and soak in it's rays than hide in the dark of the house, hidden behind the flourescent lighting of a computer screen? To each his own in how they want spend their life. Take it from my personal experience, hiding from the world or letting the negative things consume you never works out in the end. In the end God is the only answer. Are you willing to accpet that?

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Living Radical.

Today was by far the most inspirational Monday I've had in El Salvador since coming here. I would usually expect to be sitting around doing nothing but cleaning and being lazy. This morning, however, I awoke earlier than I would consider to be "sleeping in". It felt as though my blood was pulsing through my body and I had a newfound sense of purpose. I took care of mine and Kaylie's laundry and sat downstairs. I finished the book Radical by David Platt and it rocked my world. It's all about abandoning the concept of the "American Dream" (you know, the nice car, big house, huge savings accounts) for radical living for Jesus. The final chapter challenges us to take a year of our life, and implement five concepts in order to begin living the rest of our lives radically. The entire time I was reading this book my mind only pictured myself doing these things, not some fuzzy-faced person of my imagination.

1. Pray for the entire world- he gives a website that centers on a different country and their prayer requests each day, so by the end of the year you have literally prayed for the entire world. Just ponder that thought once more, in a year...I will have prayed for the ENTIRE WORLD. How huge is that?
2. Read through the entire Word- he challenges us to read the entire Bible, word for word, in a year. I am probably most excited for this because I have truely only been living as a Christian for a few months. I've never read the bible before.
3. Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose- it's all about putting caps on what you would normally spend your money on for luxuries, and putting that excess money towards someone who is suffering. We tend to think of ourselves as not rich, but look at it this way- do you have clean, runnnig water in your house and at the tips of your fingers? Do you have food on the table everyday? Do you have a warm bed to sleep in at night? If you answered "yes" to all of the above, you ARE rich compared to the rest of the world. Obviously as a student here in El Salvador I won't be able to do and give as much as I would like, but I will never be short of a giving heart.
4. Spend your time in another context- basically take yourself out of your comfort zone, whether it be a different town or a different country, for the sake of forming relationships. It would be so easy to simply send money where it's needed, but what is a check compared to the time and passion it requires to actually put yourself where the need is? I'm living it right now, and there is nothing more humbling than being right in the middle of the needs of people.
5. Commit your life to a multiplying community- making disciples takes time, and it requires patience. You have to nurture the relationships you form with people. Sure, everyone you share Jesus with isn't going to accpet him into their hearts, but even if there is just one person saved in a mass of one thousand, isn't it worth taking the time for the soul of that one person?

I called a group meeting today to discuss taking up this challenge with both hands and truely giving it a shot this year. Kirk and Wes chose otherwise, but the girls of this group have truely had a passion sparked in our hearts for this commitment. We've also decided that we would love to try to start a youth group for the students at the school. These kids go to a Christian school and some of them don't believe in God. We're with them everyday and have so many opportunities to impact their lives. What is one year, when it could decide the way I live my life for the rest of my exisitence on this earth? What is one worldly year, when it could decide if I am spending eternity in Heaven with my Father? I encourage everyone to read this book, not just because it has touched me personally and in a big way, but because it truely hits the error of the American Dream on the nose.

One year. Pray. Read. Sacrifice. Spend time. Commit your life. "So what happens when radical obedience to Christ becomes the new normal? Are you willing to see? You have a choice. You can cling to short-term treasures that you cannot keep, or you can live for long-term treasures that you cannot lose: people coming to Christ; men, women, and children living because they now have food; unreached tribes receiving the gospel. And the allconsuming satisfaction of knowing and experiencing Christ as the treasure above all others. You and I have an average of about seventy or eighty years on this earth. During these years we are bombarded with the temporary. Make money. Get stuff. Be comfortable. Live well. Have fun. In the middle of it all, we get blinded to the eternal. But it's there. You and I stand on the porch of eternity. Both of us will soon stand before God to give an account for our stewardship of the time, the resources, the gifts, and ultimately the gospel he has entrusted to us. When that day comes, I am convinced we will not wish we had given more of ourselves to living the American dream. We will not wish we had made more money, acquired more stuff, lived more comfortably, taken more vacations, watched more television, pursued greater retirement, or been more successful in the eyes of this world. Instead we will wish we had given more of ourselved to living for the day when every nation, tribe, people, and langauge will bow around the throne and sing the prases of the Savior who delights in radical obedience and the God who deserves eternal worship. Are you ready to live for this dream? Let's not waver any longer." (Platt 216-217).

All For His Glory,
 Taylor

Dios Te Bendiga.

I woke up this morning with a newfound sense of calm. As I was brushing my teeth I prayed so hard that today would be different. I prayed that I would see the homeless today and feel their pain, but also that the smile on my face would bring them some source of happiness. Their pain didn't make me sad like it usually does- it touched me to my very soul and each and every time I see them I feel that much more appreciative of everything I have waiting for me at home. We arrived and while we were waiting for the homeless to come into the cafeteria area, Leah, Tiffany, Kaylie and I played tag with the children. They are so sweet and eager to run around and let loose. They wanted our bracelets, so I gave away two of mine. There is one girl, probably in her early twenties, in particular that catches my attention every week. Supposedly she might actually be a transvestite, but regardless she always talks to me. Today she pointed to my watch and gave me the puppy dog eyes. I asked her if she wanted it and she nodded yes. I've never given anything away before. I don't know if it's because I've never had the opportunity or if it's just because I've been so oblivious of other's needs before. I took it off without a second thought and wrapped it around her wrist. I can buy a new watch anytime, but she can't even feed herself on a regular basis. Sharing that kind of connection with someone is something I've never experienced before and it was truely eye opening. What have I been holding back? Who could I have helped while I was wrapped up in my own problems? The past is in the past, but I look forward to living in a giving light from now on. Wes shared his testimony today. It was inspiring and the people reacted to him so positively. He has a gift for making connections with people no matter what their situation is, and I feel blessed to be able to observe it in action. While we were waiting outside for our driver to pick us up, there was an elderly lady struggling to walk away from the church. I'm not sure if it was a birth defect or if she was in an accident of some sort, but her left leg looked as though she had no knee cap or ligaments. It bends both ways instead of just backwards. To see her struggle just to do something as simple as walking was heartbreaking. So I'm thinking, I struggle everyday with my self-image, but my left leg works perfectly. In fact all of my limbs and every part of my body work perfectly, so why have I been wasting precious energy degrading myself when there is nothing wrong with me? Why do we ever say our bodies aren't good looking enough? We are made in God's image, so we are absolutely beautiful just the way we are. I feel foolish, but everyday is a new step towards loving myself the way I should.

Later today we'll be attending Jorge's rehearsal for his concert again. I have my first real small group metting at 3:30 and I cannot wait to begin forming friendships with these girls. We have La Red (youth group) tonight. I adore the people that attend there. They're always so welcoming and armed with a smile and a hug. Afterwards we're going to a sports bar to watch the El Salvador vs Honduras futbol (soccer ;) ) game. It's so weird that we're going to be watching a soccer game while my friends back home will be crowded around their TVs watching their favorite college football team begin the season. GO DAWGS! Talk about culture shock, eh?

My spanish is really coming along, but I have so much I have to learn. Not only about the language but about the people here and especially myself. You always think you know all there is to know about yourself, because...well duh...it's you. I've already learned so many things about myself I never knew before. I'm going to return home after this experience the best version of myself I can be.

All for His Glory,
 Taylor

It's An Uphill Climb.

The best cure for worry is to let yourself be inspired by something so spectacular, your worry seems infantile in comparison. Whenever I find myself feeling gloomy or thinking about something I let trouble me, I look out the window of our manual van as it struggles to make it up the hills of the street. If there is one thing about El Salvador that never fails to amaze me, it's that the landscape is irrevocably and immeasureably beautiful. It is so green. Houses are splattered across the hills literally one on top of the other. Even the newer looking houses show signs of wear and age, but it only adds to their character. The people here walk along the road and you can tell by their faces that they've seen things, been places, and experienced a thousand moments that have forever changed them. There is one elderly lady in particular that screams at my heart. She sits in her fold-up chair beneath an overpass everyday covered in blankets. There is almost always someone crouched down in front of her, talking to her, offering her food, or offering some sort of assistance. This woman more than likely lived through El Salvador's civil war. She has more than likely lived through a number of natural disasters that plague this country year after year. She has lived through just as many rainy seasons as she has dry seasons, and yet she still manages to muster through to every new day. I have been blessed to have never had to go without. I'm not talking just food, but shelter, clean water, or even just a lack of love is something that has never been prevelent in my life. I could go to downtown Atlanta any day of the week and spot a homeless person on the side of the road, but the homeless of Atlanta are living easy compared to what goes on here. I see children starving on the street everyday on my way to school, and I think why? Why is an innocent child allowed to go hungry day after day? It's so hard to let them pass me by, but it has taught me that there is nothing more powerful I can give them than a prayer to God to touch their lives. Seeing the devestation and hunger in the eyes of the people here have brought me closer to God and I am so thankful for everything I have been blessed with. The best thing about El Salvador is that despite their hunger and neediness, the people of this country have such strength. Their happy disposition never fails to shine through to the very tips of their toes.

Discipleship today with Pastor Mario was eye opening on a whole new level. We discussed Luke 9:23. Basically he showed us that we have to sacrifice ourselves everyday to honor the sacrifice Jesus made for us, so that we may save the lost in this world. What is an earthly need compared to the eternal life of another human? I sat and thought about whether or not I was willing to deny myself in order to glorify God. Absolutely, right? I could walk up to a stranger and talk about the work that God is doing in my life no problem. The sad thing is, what if I knew that stranger? What if it was someone I know intimately? Would I be willing to put "decency" to the side in order to ensure my closest friends and family are with me in Heaven someday? The answer should be a resounding YES, but it's a frightening prospect to risk a friendship in order to put the word of God into action. So my question is this: are we really letting Jesus shine through us in every aspect of our lives, or are we decompartmentalizing where His influence can touch? I want to walk down the street, or a hallway in the school, or even when I go home to Chick-Fil-A, and have people see there's something different about me. My heart and mind will forever be changed by my relationship with God, but what does that mean if I'm the only one who knows of it's significance?

Today is Kirby's ninteenth birthday! We're having a party for her and Katelyn (her birthday is Saturday) tonight and I for one am thankful for these days because they represent the beginning of their lives. We all have to begin somewhere.

All for His Glory,
 Taylor

Everyday You Save My Life.

It's raining again. A cool calm washes over me as the water rushes over the beautiful landscape surrounding me. No fear. No worries. The most pressing issue on my mind right now is whether or not I want to take the time to put my sweatshirt on. I remember having days like these when I was staying with my dad at the lake this summer. Looking out across the glass-like lake early in the morning put my heart close to God and prepared me for whatever came my way. I have a problem with worrying and letting things out of my control cloud my mind. It's like that's all I can think about until it's poisoning my every thought. I drive myself crazy trying to battle my own self. That's one of the most amazing things about this place- I'm so sensory oriented it's easy to shut my mind up by breathing and taking in the beauty around me. Without this place I would still be slaving away at Chick-Fil-A becoming more and more bitter about how it seemed there was no plan for my life. In bible study class we're working to discover what the plan for our life is, and I for one cannot wait to feel everything in me being pulled towards something I have a passion for.

     Yesterday was my first experience with evangelism, and I was scared out of my mind. As I was walking up to that first door all I wanted to do was run back to the bus and tell them there was a mistake, who was I to be telling someone what they should believe? But then I realized, if I'm the reason someone goes to heaven someday, then there is nowhere in the world I would rather be. I am so homesick right now, but I have to tell myself when I start feeling like this that I am here for a reason. God wants me here. I want to be here. So here's to a new week, and to new beginnings.

All For His Glory,
 Taylor

I've Found A Reason To Change Who I Used To Be.

     The lights are red and blinding and make me sweat. My heart is pounding and my throat convulses when I try to swallow, it's so dry. I need some water. I need a coughdrop. I need to get off this stage and be anywhere but here. The music starts, and I have no choice but to sing. Here it comes, swallow, breathe. Applause. Nothing but applause. I sang my heart out on Friday night and got a thunderous applause from hundreds of strangers. It was the scariest and most exhilarating thing I've ever done. My voice is a gift from God, and I'm glad I finally used it in front of someone other than my car windows and showerhead. School that day was typical, we're still learning about phonetics in Spanish and working really hard to get the accent out of our voices. After the Festival we went home and had dinner with our host family.

     Saturday morning we got up early and went to the church. We pulled up and noticed emmediately the wide eyed looks we were getting from the homeless. The people in charge were so nice and happy to have us there to help. While we helped set up the food, the homeless were given showers and given any extra clothing there was to spare. In order for them to get food, they are required to sit in the cafeteria for a devotional time. During this time they introduced us to the people and we sang a song for them. They lit up when they saw us. I love how despite their situation, they still put their hands in the air and sang and worshiped with the passion of someone who eats on a regular basis. God is truely all they have and they cling to Him with a fire that's indescribeable. We passed out the food to them and as they were leaving some of them took the time to approach us. They are understandably not the most cleanly people, but once I forced myself to look past it I was slapped in the face with the reality of how grateful they are for every opportunity they are presented with. It makes me ponder whether I am truely using my time here for the right reasons. Yes, I helped feed the homeless, but did I really put my heart into it? Did I just go through the motions? Are any of us actually using the time we have to the fullest?
     That afternoon we went back to the church to watch Jorge's concert rehearsal. The entire concert incorporates sign language with dance moves. I sat so that while he was dancing in front of the group, his back was facing me. Watching the sunlight pour around him as he lead the group, I got chills. It's like his hands are made for signing. My eyes were glued to his every move and I can honestly say everytime I see him doing his thing I become more and more inspired. He is a master of touching people's hearts simply by being who he is. I want a day to come where people see me and how I live and become mesmerized by the work God is doing through me.
     Church that night was really great. We were split up into three groups for small groups. We have a leader and it will be an opportunity to meet new girls and really get into using Spanish. My leader is Liz and she is such a sweetheart. She was so nervous to talk to us because she is self-concious about her English, but I assured her we are the least judgemental people she'll ever meet. Katelyn and Leah are also in my group and I cannot wait to start discussing the gospel with these girls and really making some friends here. Fransisco, one of the pastors at the church and our friend, took us out to Pizza Hut to eat. It was good, of course, but it was the first time in a long time I've felt our team really start to bond again. I hope we are able to come together in a big way, because if we can't stand united with people we live with everyday, how can we expect to reach the hearts of people we've never met before?

     Sunday morning we got up for church as usual. I love our church, but when we don't have a translator it is so frustrating and difficult to get into it. You go to church to celebrate the word of God with other believers, and it's dissapointing to only be able to be there halfway. It's just another reason I can't wait to fully pick up the language. Jorge translated for us, but instead of going to bible study afterwards we visited one of the daughter churches. It was tiny and the people who attended had chairs flowing out and down the stairs. It was the most intimate experience of worship I've ever born witness to. I had no idea what the service was about because we had no translator, but the music was wonderful and there was not a single person in that room because it's "just the thing to do on Sunday mornings". They all threw their hands into the air, closed their eyes, and worshiped with their whole hearts. I have lost count of the number of times I've gotten chills since I've been here, but being inspired and taken aback by the passion of these people never gets old. That night we went to the mall and I started feeling really tired and fatigued. We've been going nonstop since we got here and I think it's finally catching up to my body.

     This morning I slept in, but woke up aching still. We've done laundry and cleaned and relaxed. As much as I love being active and busy, I really did need this day to just let myself quiet down. Tonight our friend Quique is taking us out for some much needed American quisine.

    The only big issue resting on my heart at this point is that our team needs to come together. There's nothing huge keeping us at odds with each other, but you can tell there are little things that cause tension. We are so blessed to have been given this opportunity, and I think we just haven't fully realized it yet. We want to do more ministry, but the process is gradual. We've had three Spanish classes, we can't expect to be able to get out there and change lives. With the help of God and some hardwork in the classroom, we're going to be out there rocking people's worlds before we know it. I for one cannot be more thankful for the chance to share my love and heart with someone. Who knows, maybe I'll change the life of someone just by being myself. God made me who I am, afterall.

All for His Glory,
 Taylor

You Are Beautiful My Sweet, Sweet Song.

I can't believe it's already Thursday. Time flies when you're changing your life. I've been going through a bit of homesickness and mopeyness. That's my excuse for having writer's block and refusing to touch this blog until now. That's probably the only thing I'm worried about here- not being able to escape feelings of lonelyness when I'm missing home. The fog I've been in seems to have cleared for now, and hopefully for the duration of the trip. Let me catch you up on the whirlwind of excitment we've been through this week so far.

Monday is laundry/clean the house/be a bum day. The washer in the house is broken, so we took seven teenager's worth of laundry to a laundromat. Jorge and his friend Eduardo showed us around the university they attend. It's a beautiful campus. That's where Jorge is going to be teaching his sign language class every Saturday, and I'm hoping to attend when they start in September. The best part about the campus was probably the fact that we ate Little Ceasars there. Terrible, I know, but a little taste of home was really needed at that point. We also went to the mall again and jumped on those trampoline things where you're strapped to the bungee cords and fly in the air. It was a lot of fun, and definately worth the chaffing I suffered.

Tuesday was our first day of school. 5:30AM wake up call anyone? I've been assigned to teach English with Teacher Cristy. She and the principal and Jorge brought us around to all of the classes and got introduced to all of the students. It's so amazing to watch their faces light up when they see us. The younger ones especially seem to be in awe of us. I can't get enough of how sweet and silly they are. Teacher Cristy does not have a fourth grade class so Katelyn (my teaching partner) teamed up with Wes to help him since Kirk had not yet arrived. This fourth grade class is by far my favorite. They are so eager to learn and share what they know with us. This is also the day we were informed that there is a festival on Friday for the parents of the students. Our team of eight is singing "You Are So Good To Me" by Third Day with the ninth and tenth graders. There is one solo in the song and guess who's singing it? That's right, yours truely. We were exaughsted by the time we got home that day, but overall that first day was the most refreshing and heartening day thus far. It doesn't matter what kind of mood I'm in going into the day. When I see those kids running towards me everything else seems so insignificant besides the happiness they send rushing through my soul. Kirk met us at the school at lunch time and we are all so excited to have him here. Our little family is finally complete and our bond can only grow stronger from here.

Wednesday's schedules are a little bit differnet than every other day. We get to school about 25 mintues later and teach the seniors on only this day. Our Spanish classes are really exciting. Our teacher Sylvia (the one who went to the beach with us) is so kind and really has a passion for helping us learn the language. We've only just begin to scratch the surface, but everyday I feel my mind opening more and more to this strange new world. We were sitting in the cafeteria surrounded by the younger kids when an alarm began to sound. None of us had any idea what was going on but two of my favorite girls took my hands and dragged me out of the building. A sea of children with their hands sheltering their heads surrounded me. Apparently earthquakes are a common occurance in El Salvador. Teacher Cristy was polite enough to inform me it was just a drill after we were already outside. It's amazing how quickly and efficiently those kids got out of the building. When it comes to earthquakes, these people don't mess around. We rehearsed for the festival instead of teaching. I doubted myself more than ever during this time. What was I thinking volunteering for a solo? Not only have I never performed for an audience before, but I shake and get crazy nervous. I got through it though, and Leah reminded me that with God, I can do anything. We left school at around 1:30 and relaxed at home for a little while. We headed off to church for the Wednesday night service at 5:30. We were not fortunate enough to have a translator this time so it was a struggle to even stay awake. Dinner, however, was amazing. For someone struggling with stomach issues, a good meal is nothing short of miraculous.

Today so far has been fantastic. Our driver was late picking us up so we missed our 7:20AM Spanish class. As strange as it may seem I was dissapointed to miss what little school I actually have these days. We went straight to the final rehearsal in the church. The entire school was there. While waiting for it to be our turn, my stomach was churning and my mouth was bone dry. I again began to doubt myself until I looked up at those kids performing and realized that everyone is so excited to have us there, what better audience to share my passion for singing with? After I sang my part the entire group of kids went crazy, and the song wasn't even over yet. It was such a spectacular feeling, and I know tomorrow at the festival I'll do my best and it will be good enough for them no matter what happens. I taught a 9th grade class today. Because I'm teaching the advanced level classes, they already speak really good English. I'm basically there to force them to use it. I also co-taught Wes and Kirk's fourth grade class again. It continues to be the highlight of my day. Wes managed to work in putting on his rainbow clown wig somehow. The kids are so drawn to him and it's incredible to observe their interactions with him. In Spanish right now we're learning about Phonetics, so that when we talk we won't have an accent and we will truely sound like native speakers. After classes are over everyday we are going to be taking bible study classes for an hour. Today was just an introduction period for the Youth Pastor, Mario, to be able to get to know us and check up on how we're doing.

It's crazy to me how I can look out the car window at home and not take anything in. I can't imagine what beauty I've been missing even in the place I've been living in for my entire eighteen years of life. Even the rain here is beautiful. I want to really start seeing the world, instead of passively looking. I urge you to do the same, because you never know what you'll let pass you by.

All for His Glory,
 Taylor

Be the Passionate Generation.

Yesterday was a pretty slow day as far as slow days here go. We were supposed to go to the church in the morning to help with the homeless from seven to ten, but the pastor felt it would be better for us to start doing that when we got more comfortable with the language and the people. Understandable, but I am truely looking forward to helping those people. With no homeless to help, we got to sleep in. Too bad for me, right? ;) We pretty much lazed around and talked to family and friends on skype until about three o'clock, which was when our driver, Jose, picked us up. We attended our first youth group that night. It's pretty amazing how you have this set image in your mind of what a youth group feels like to attend and then you go to a completely different culture and all set pretenses are blown. Don't get me wrong, it's still a group of young adults gathering to celebrate their love of God and Christ. The room still pulses with the glory of God and every single person's passion for Him resounds off of the walls. It really just makes you feel kind of silly sitting there attempting to follow along when you have no idea what the message of the night is. I took the opportunity to catch up on some Bible reading. However, when the band started playing music it brought the whole room to life. I attempted to follow along with the lyrics, but the unity and peace from the music was all that mattered. After the youth group we went back home and shared dinner with our host family. Milton and Marta (aka Papa and Mama) are two of the most genuine and caring people in this world. They are so gracious and their daughter Adrianna is beautiful and so sweet. They make everything so easy for us.

Today we got an early start. 6:45AM to be exact. We attended the early service at church. Jorge translated the sermon for us so we wouldn't feel so lost. It was a guest pastor preaching, but he was very good and had a great sense of humor. The real thing that got my heart thumping today was our bible study. Jorge leads it and it was the most inspiring message I've heard since the sermon that caused me to stand up and sign up for my baptism. The class he teaches consists of teenagers around our age and a little younger. The awesome part about the class is that he teaches deaf students as well as the others. They begin class by listening to a song, writing down the lyrics, and then deciphering how the lyrics connect with the bible. The motto of the class is to "be the sign for the spiritually deaf". So those who have not yet heard the bible, they want to be the ones to help them hear. Today Jorge's message centered around being a passionate generation. He challenged us to stand up for what we believe in and be the inspiration the world needs. He posed three questions: 1. What's going to be written on your tombstone? The amazing soccer player? Or the amazing soccer player with a passion for God? 2. What does Jesus think about your life? Is he content with it? Saddened by it? Will he have someone write it down someday in a book? 3. What does Satan think about your life? Is your picture on his most-wanted list? Are you lifting people out of Hell, or putting them there? Overall his message left my mind whirling and incredibly inspired.

There's a soul that's still listening

it's the hunger for His love.

There's a movement he's feeling

it's the sound of His voice.

It's a passionate generation.

There are parts desperate for His word.

We want to see His power and majesty

and we want to hear the sound of His voice.

There's a flow you cannot stop,

it's the river of the Lord.

There's a voice that cannot be silenced,

they want to sing about His love.

That's a rough English translation of the song, but listening to the music for the first time and watching Jorge sign it for the deaf students made it seem like time was slowing down. All there was at that moment was the music. It didn't matter that it was in Spanish and I had no idea what the lyrics were saying. In that moment, I felt God move in my life on a whole new level.

Meet Jorge. :)

Tonight we're having a birthday dinner for Milton's brother. I'll get to experience a fiesta El Salvador style. Tomorrow is our off day so Jorge is going to take us for some American food our poor stomachs are dying for (mine especially).  It's so astounding that I've only been here for a week. The relationships that I've formed are so strong already and are only getting stronger by the minute. You would think that in a group of such different personalities and backgrounds that we wouldn't all get along so smoothly and easily. Katelyn and I have the unspoken bond of a desperate need for fiber in our lives. Kaylie is one of the funniest people I've ever met in my life and I could not have asked for a better roomate. Kirby and I have met somewhere before and we can't seem to figure out where it is, but she's a fellow John Mayer fan so no more needs to be said. Tiffany and I know when the other doesn't like what we're eating, but we smile and suffer through it more easily knowing that we're not alone. Leah is a completely free spirit and her openess and pure love for God are evident in everything she does. Kirk (my own Clark Kent) is arriving on Tuesday to start classes with us, but we've talked on skype and we all can't wait for him to join the family. Wes and I were best friends from the start, but even in the past week we've grown closer and I love the person he is more and more everyday. I'm so blessed to have this beautiful new family, and the memories we're going to make in the upcoming months are going to be ones that last a lifetime.

The gang at orientation with Johnny's son, Seth.

The ladies.

Katelyn!

Wesley!

All for His Glory,

 Taylor

He's Getting His Spidey Senses Back.

First of all, can I just admit to myself and the world that YES, I AM PRONE TO MOODINESS. Today was no different, but I am pleased to also admit that I was moody with good reason. Having said that, our day was amazing. We headed to the church to pick up our Spanish teacher, Sylvia, and her two year old son, Daniel. We waited at the church for about half an hour, so we spent that time playing basketball and soccer with the students. Something about these kids makes you just crazy about them. They have so much energy and enthusiam and I love that they never do anything halfway. They truely get all there is to get out of life.

We headed off to the beach with Slyvia and her adorable Daniel in tow. This child is so sweet and social you just want to scoop him up into your arms and make him giggle until he's pink in the face. The first thing I notice about the beach is the sand. It's black and glitters with gold flecks of something beautiful. I've never been near the Pacific Ocean, and I've never seen waves quite like that before. I'm talking fifteen to twenty foot waves. The area we went to the beach on was part of a complex of rental houses, which was lovely.

The complex by the beach.

Before we went home, we stopped at an outdoor mall on the ocean. This is where the moodiness comes into play. Looking out at the ocean and seeing the monsterous waves crashing onto the shore below me made me go into pensive mode. I wanted to breathe and just soak it all in. We walked down a pier to get a better view of the sunset and I experienced my first moment of unhappiness since coming here. The pier doubles as a fish market and the people there just looked so desperate for business. I fear that if I take every person's pain personally I'm going to drown myself in these heavy feelings of sympathy. I did however take that moment on the end of the pier to just bask in the glory of God and how magnificent his creations are. Kaylie gave a local boy her "I <3 Jesus" bracelet and it just tore my heart to pieces watching how easily she shares her heart with people. The word beautiful has a whole new meaning. What I found beautiful before this place seems to dull in comparison. I didn't know what beauty really was until God opened my eyes.

The pier in comparison to the waves.

We had a really tricked out van today as our ride and we watched Spider Man during the car rides. Of course it was in spanish, so Kaylie took it upon herself to provide her own script. I can honestly say I've laughed more in this week than I have in a very long time, which is saying something because I laugh so easily and readily.

At dinner we went over the house rules, such as a schedule for who helps with cooking and cleaning throughout the week. It truely makes me feel at home in a foreign world and I have never felt more sure about this being the right decision for me. Johnny is leaving tomorrow. It's saddening, mostly because I have gotten to know him in this week and my respect for who he is has mulitplied exponentially. He is an incredible man and God speaks through him in wonderful ways. As Jorge says, "Give it up for Joney!" He challenged us today to make the most out of our experience here, and to talk to him at the end of the year and proclaim that we did everything we could learn and come away with this with no regrets. Amen, Johnny Condrey, amen.

All for His Glory,
 Taylor