I Am Saved.

 In my life, I can honestly say I've pretty much always been "the good girl". I did well in school. I had a lot of friends from a group of people who weren't trouble makers. I was an athelete. My parents were the cool parents and it was obvious how much they loved me. From the outside, I would say it looked like I had the good life. Things are usually never what they seem.


I grew up always knowing about Jesus because of the realtionship I had with my mom and my Mema (her mother). I always knew in my heart that He died for me and that He was my savior. Every time I would go visit Mema in South Carolina she would spark that curiosity in me about Jesus. Who He is. What He did. Why He did it. As I grew older though, my family and I never went to church on Sundays. Were were the big athletic family. If there wasn't a hockey tournament to be at, it was baseball. If not baseball, it was soccer...or softball. You get the point, there was always an excuse not to be attending church on Sundays. As I grew up, my only spritual foundation was what I had learned from my Mema and the example that my parents set for me. I've always had an inherent sense of what I knew was morally right and wrong. Unfortunately, I've always had a self-depreciating self concept and I've always been self-concious. Because of this, in the eight grade, I stopped eating. I would go the entire day without food, go to softball practice, and if I felt like I "deserved" to eat dinner that night, then I would allow it. I was miserable. I had headaches every day, I blacked out all the time, and no matter how much weight I lost I was still unhappy with myself. After I lost about 35 pounds, I decided enough was enough and I began eating again. That same year my brother started to smoke pot and got into a lot of trouble. The turmoil he was causing tested my parent's already rocky marriage. The next three years were consumed with fighting and anger and hurt. I would lay on my bed and listen to music as loud as I could stand it just to drown out the voices from downstairs. I begged God to fix my family. My "faith" during those days was a hypocritical shell of what faith really is. I only went to God when I needed something. The problems in my family steadily got worse and worse, and my parents finally separated. During this time my dad lost his job, so not only were we struggling emotionally, but financially as well. I cried only when I couldn't take holding it in anymore. I was embarrassed to let anyone see me cry. I was the rock. People cried on my shoulders, not the other way around. I rarely shared what was going on with my life with even my best of friends. I didn't want to seem affected, because that would only make it all more real. On a whim I got a job at Chick-Fil-A, and it was there I met John Cowan. He pushed me spiritually more than he realized. I wanted to stand firm on my belief that I didn't need to go to church to have faith. He helped me and talked me through the things I was going through with my family, but at the time his words were not sinking in. Instead of turning to God with my problems, I chose to block it all out with pot and alcohol. I slowly spiraled downward into depression. I was failing classes. One night I was sitting in a room with my friends, doing questionalable activites, and I realized that that wasn't the life I wanted. God made me for something greater. After that night I never touched marijuana again, and I never will. My life slowly turned around. I came to the realization that my parents were not going to get back together, and I know it's for the best. God served His purpose in their marriage by blessing them with four amazing kids, and now they get to go search for their soulmates. After numerous addictions and countless times of verbal abuse of my parents and my family, my brother to this day continues to destroy my family. I will never lose the hope that he will be changed. I will never stop forgiving him. I am a firm believer in God's miracles, and I'll never stop believing that my brother is worth one.

 Because of Chick-Fil-A, I met Wes Price. He told me all about GAP Year and how he was going to do mission work and learn about God's plan for him. I thought it was really cool, but UGA was going to be my saving grace. I was going to be good at college and I would finally get to start over. My hopes came crashing down when they denied my application, and instantly I knew that God had something else planned for me. It was weird that I knew that because until that moment, God was on the back burners in my mind. Wes kept talking about GAP Year and I felt a pull there like I had never felt before. So I worked/slaved at Chick-Fil-A all summer and by the grace of God I raised enough money to go to El Salvador.  I came to El Savlador partially as an escape, but more so because for the first time in my life, I felt GOD calling me to Him.  I was bapatized before I left, and ever since then no matter what happens with my family, or with my life, I can handle it without drugs or alcohol or hiding. God has a plan for my life. He is in complete control. I know in my very soul that if I died right now, I would be wrapped up in the loving embrace of Jesus tonight.


Tomorrow is not promised to us. Life is fleeting, and we only get one chance to do it right. It's so easy to say, oh I can do whatever I want now and worry about the consequences later. I can have "fun" and put off living a life for the glory of God until I grow up. Well that's not good enough. God, GOD as in the creator of everything, sacrificed His only perfect Son in the flesh so that our past, and our future mistakes would be forgiven. It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter what you're going to do. God knows you better than you know yourself, which is why He has given us the ultimate back-up plan. Having a personal relationship with Jesus and accepting Him as your Lord and savior is the only way the Heaven. Think past the temptations of this futile earthly life, and think of where you're going to be spending eternity. I pray that if you do not know Jesus, that you will come to, because without Him I don't know where I would be today. He changed me from the inside out. He completely rocked my world, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

I am His.

The warm humid air whips violently through my hair as I stick my head out the window of the Rodriguez truck. We pass spectacular views of mountains and little shacks splattered across the landscape on our way to the beach. Green mingles with colors of every variety that form an image of beauty and surrealness. As I gaze upon the majestic land before me I can hardly believe my own eyes. It can't possibly be real, yet it is. It is as though God took a paintbrush and paid unique attention to each and every tree branch...every curve of a moutainside... every steep drop of a cliff...nothing has been spared His own special touch.

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own worlds. Our own problems. Our own lives. No one could possibly be going through the same thing as me right now because it's just that intense of a time, right? Wrong. Look at the person next to you the next time you're in a room full of people. He or she is experiencing something. The person across from you... he or she is going through a hardship. The person behind you... he or she is coming into a new phase of their life. No one is without problems. No one is without happiness.

At the beginning of this semester there was one point where I was ready to cow out, pack up my things and leave. After all that I've been through I didn't deserve to go through more, right? Especally not in the place where I am supposed to be given a new beginning. After those thoughts crossed my mind, I took a step back and looked around me. The air swirls in peaceful tranquility. There's no rush to get going. No pressure to be somewhere at this time or else. Even the trees sway back and forth in reckless abandon. El Salvador for me has turned into a place where my mind is allowed to shut down it's over-analyzing. It's a place where God touches my heart each and every day. It's a place where I'm finally coming into my own.

I am so incredibly happy. I am so incredibly open to God's plan for my life. My heart soars with love for Him every time I do anything. My life is being moved by Him in a direction I am still unsure of, but I am confident in His will and His power. There was no better decision than coming to El Salvador. That I am absolutely sure of.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

Soy Una Creación Nueva

I have been back in El Salvador for less than four days and I have already been through a bigger whirlwind of emotions than I ever imagined this semester would present me with. To begin, I had to say goodbye to my family once again after spending an amazing Christmas break with them. Going to New York with my Philly and experiencing a whole new culture shock really rocked me, but getting to spend that time with him and getting to know my oldest sister a little bit better was incredible. My family and I experienced more emotional trauma while I was there, and even though I hate that we had to go through something yet again, I know it's brought us closer than ever. My parents are so incredible. I don't know what more I could ever ask for in role models, providers and friends. The plane ride was very easy; only three hours and the flight was half empty, so Wes, Tiffany, Katelyn and I all got to sit together. Although I had to give my boyfriend one last kiss to last for the next four, potentially six months, I know this experience will only strengthen us and enhance our foundation in God.

In order to truely become immersed in the culture this semester, we have all been separated into different host homes. From the beginning I was not sure where I was going to be placed. I was under the impression that I would be staying with Pastor Francisco's mother-in-law. That fell through and then I was told I might be staying with Silvia's family. It turned out that Kirby is staying with them. When I arrived at good ole Pizza Hut to eat lunch with Pastor Fran, I was told that I would be living with not only a family I have never met, but also a family that does not attend our church, but a daughter church. Needless to say I became a bit nervous, but I knew that God would look after me and it would teach me something in the end. I had no doubt in my mind that if they were putting me there, they knew it was safe. After hours of talking and removing our things left behind at the Rodriguez home, I was dropped off at the daughter church that my surrogate father was the Pastor of. I sat in an office for an hour and half until he was finished with a sermon and then I finally met him and his wife. The Gomez family is extremely nice. Every time I would thank them for anything they would shake their heads and tell me it was an honor to serve me. It really put into perspective just how selfless some people can genuinely be in this world.

Despite how amazing the family was, the moment I stepped into their home I felt a black cloud descend over my heart and I felt a suffocating feeling overwhelm me. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the house itself. It might just be the fact that I knew nothing about the family and I had zero common ground with them whatsoever. As I unpacked my things in the 10 x 5 room tears rolled down my cheeks. I have never felt so alone. So petrified. So absolutely ready to just get the heck out of there and go to school the next day. I had no appetite and the thought of eating made my throat close up with fresh tears. Every time I thought about the fact that that would be my home for the next four months, a new wave of dread rolled over me and slowly drowned me. Depression is something that I've had to deal with in the past, and I sensed that if I was forced to stay in that home, that it's grips would take hold of me again and not let go without a fight.

The next day going to school was a relief, but afterwards I sat down in my room and refused to be locked away in my misery. I called Pastor Mario and he picked me up so I could hang out with Leah, who he is housing. I decided to go to church that night even though they gave us the night off so I could discuss an alternative place of living with Pastor Fran. I couldn't even say a word to him. The thought of having to go back to that house that night made me sick to my stomach. I was shaking. I was crying. I had an absolute breakdown. I was crying in front of a man I need to respect me, and I couldn't even get a word out to defend the request I was making of him. Through the tears and the embarrasment, I guess he finally understood the pain I was suffering from. It was real and genuine, and because of that he decided to move me back into the Rodriguez house, where at least I had some sense of normalcy...not to mention lots and lots of sunlight in their openly designed home. He told me that if I would stay there for a few days so that he could talk with Pastor Gomez and not offend him, he would get me out as soon as possible.

Mario drove me back and went to talk with Pastor Gomez and explain the situation. Roberto Gomez decided that he did not want me to have to stay in his home for another second if it would cause me any sort of mental or emotional turmoil. Mario returned for me and I left that night.

Throughout all of this I kept begging God just to let me know He was there with me. He was there in the daughter of Pastor Gomez, who talked to me and was so nice to me. He was there in Mario, who supported me and did everything in his power to get me where I would be stable. He was there in Pastor Francisco, who had a change of heart and allowed me to move. He is there in Wes, who talked to me every day and assured me that I would be okay and that he was there for me. He was there in the Rodriguez family, who took me in without a second thought. God surrounded me throughout the entire ordeal. Maybe this is His way of saying, "look kid, I know you've got issues, but I'm here. I've got you. I won't ever leave you."

I love God. I love Him above everything else in this world. I have never been more sure of that in my life. I am serene and ready to take on whatever else El Salvador decides to throw at me this semester.

In the end, it's...

All For His Glory,
Taylor

Blow Me Away.

The trees are empty of leaves and the world is a cold and barren place. Dark colors surround me and the freezing air chills me to the bone. Winter time has set in in full force here in Georgia and it's never felt more weird than it does to me today. Before coming back here two weeks ago, I had prepared myself for the fact that it would be strange to be thrown back into my old world. I knew I would see things differently. I knew it would be hard to leave this all behind again for another five months. I didn't prepare myself for the deep longing for the sunshine. For the random sentences in Spanish I form inside my head and then realize that even if I did voice them no one would understand. For the love that's only grown stronger here.

The first few days I was back in the States I felt completely out of place. It didn't seem real. It was like I never left but I completely missed the fall and the onset of winter. It was like I had amnesia and the past four months in El Salvador were a dream. It was extremely unsettling and I found myself staring off into space on more than one ocasion. After a few days, though, I snapped out of it and got back into the swing of things. It's been such a blessing to be able to spend time with my family again and see my friends. They talk about college and taking finals and it all seems so surreal.

I can't imagine what my life would be like had I chose to ignore God's movement in my heart and go straight to college. Who would I be? I would not be growing in my relationship with Christ. I would probably still be a hypocrite; living with God but never for God. I would still be naive to the fact that there is a whole world out there besides the United States and it is in desperate need of help. I would never be as thankful as I am for the life I've been blessed with as I am now. There is nothing about my experience thus far in El Salvador that I would take back. Every part of it has forced me to grow and learn somehow. The drama in the house at the beginning of the semester. The intense homesickness. The days of doubt in myself and in God. The days when it all felt so pointless. The smiles on the beautiful faces of the kids at the school and at the homeless ministry. The sheer majestic beauty of the landscape. The days where God's presence in my life felt so real and tangible. The days where all I did was nap and read my Bible and eat Price Smart doughnuts. The woman I lead to Christ.

I appreciate the bad days I had, because without them I could never recognize just how amazing my good days have been. Had I not gone on this trip, I would not have found my first love in Jesus Christ, and my second love in a little blonde boy. This journey is only halfway through and already I am changed beyond anything I could have imagined or hoped for. I left my home to try to escape the things that were happening here, and now that I am back it all seems so much easier to take in. I know now that no matter what happens in my life, whether it is in my childhood home in Georgia or my new home in El Salvador, God is with me. He is so good to me and coming home I have never recognized His love more.

I am looking forward to going back. It's so easy to be here and fall back into the luxury I've been accustomed to my entire life. I want to finish out this journey knowing what God wants for my life and when that moment comes, I will do everything in my power to make it happen and glorify Him. The rest of my time spent here will be dedicated to my family and my friends and preparing myself for the last stretch of this incredible journey. There are going to be many more new experiences in my future for second semester, and I have a funny feeling that God is going to rock my world like only He is capable of. Well, here I am God. Feel free to rock me as hard as You know I can take it.

All For His Glory,
Taylor

Ya'll Ready For This?

The clock reads 12:04am, and I am snuggling into my bed when a thought hits me. There are less than two weeks before I return home. Joy and unbelievable excitement well up inside of me and I do a little happy squeal. Throughout my time here I have often wanted to go home. "Just for a day", I would say. "Just one week", I would think. Being here is uncomfortable. That's fine, because I'm not here to be comfortable. I am here to grow with God and try to open myself to what His plan is for my life. Thus far I'm still not sure what that is. I considered being a Pediatrician. Seeing the need of the kids here and how absolutely precious they are stirs a comforting, motherly side of me I did not know I possesed. I would love to use medical knowledge to do ministry in countries that are forced to go without medical help. I realized that that profession is extremely unreasonable for me. Is it a noble thought? Of course. Is it right for me? Probably not. I'm a bookworm. I love to use big words. I love to find that perfect arrangement of words that makes them take on a whole new level of imagery. Math and science are not, have never been and will most certainly never be my forte. Teaching English to the kids here has allowed me to discover I have a love for teaching.

 Me + English + Kids + Teaching = Education!

It could work. All I know is that I've still got time to figure it out, and a lot more praying to do.

Do not get me wrong, I love being here. I love seeing a different side of life than I knew existed. I love going to school every day and learning the language and going out into church and the city and putting it into use. I absolutely love interracting with my friends here because they have shown me what friendship can be like. I am becoming a better friend by being here. However, I have never been more ready to return home. I want to hug my momma. I want to watch football with my Philly. I want to look at ridiculous amounts of cute clothes that we cannot afford to buy with my little big sister. I want to interact with my brother, and attempt to reconnect with him. I want to see the new life my oldest sister has made for herself in New York with my brother-in-law. I want to work at Chick-Fil-A again. Not so much that it makes me unhappy again, but enough to serve people again with an open heart and a big, unwavering smile on my face. I want to laugh in the car with my best friends, and make late night runs to Dairy Queen. I want to sing at the top of my lungs with my mom to the songs that we love to listen to over and over again. There are so many things that I want and miss. I am mentally, physically, emotionally, and most of all spiritually exaughsted. It is time to go home. Rest. Renew my strength. Prepare myself for my final semester here in El Salvador, because I know it is going to be even more challenging than this one has been.

As amazing as it is going to be to see all of my family friends again, I know that it is when I am back home...surrounded by the luxuries of the United States, all the old temptations of my life... that the spiritual battle will hit me the hardest. Here it is easy to just take a step back and remind myself that God is with me. There are so few distractions here, it is almost effortless to fall into that peaceful place where I can just sit and praise God. It will be when I am in my old world, that my new self will be tested the most severely.

Ephesians 6:10-18 says, " ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. "

I am ready.

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Unstoppable.

Today in the United States, thousands of families are united at least for a little while. They put their differences aside, and gather around a table to celebrate the simple act of being thankful. How many times a day, week, or even year do you just take a moment to step back and praise God for what you're thankful for? I know I thank Him every single day for the things I've been given. It's so easy to be thankful when I've been blessed with so much. More than I could ever hope to repay Him for. It's harder to thank Him for those times when I wasn't sure where I would end up, or if my family would ever heal from the things we've been faced with. It is hard, but those times when He was all I had to cling to, are the times that made me who I am today. Without those times I would still be a shy girl who was afraid to voice her opinion because she feared the judgement of others. These days the only judgement that will truely affect me is the judgement of God. These days I am strong. God has lifted me back onto my feet every single time I've fallen down. I owe Him so much, and have so little to offer. He adores me anyways.

I skyped the little family that remains in Georgia for the holidays and it broke my heart not to be there for the first time in my life. However, when I look around at this new world and I see where I was before I came here, I am so incredibly thankful that I was not there for Thanksgiving this year. God's work in my life is greater and for more important than a meal with my family. He is forcing me to grow. He is forcing me to become reliant on Him instead of the warm embrace of my Momma and my Philly. It's so hard. It's excruciating, but I will be okay. My reward will be an eternity of peace, so what am I really losing? I get to spend my first holiday away from my family with a new kind of family. One that speaks a new language and eats a different kind of food, but we are all on fire for God. In the end, what more is there? What more could we possibly ask for?

So many times we ask the question "what are you thankful for" and go around the table just to hear the typical responses: "my family" "my friends" "my job" "my car" "bla bla bla". I want to challenge us to take a deeper look at our lives, and think about what our lives could be like if God were to turn away from us. His grace and His unconditional love are the only things worthy of being thanked. He is unstoppable.

Today I am thankful. I am thankful for my family. For my friends. For my car. For my job. For my warm bed I sleep in every night. For the food that is never lacking. For the clothing that is never falling apart. For the Bible that comforts me when I'm going through dark times. For the dark times that bring me closer to God. For the bright times that leave me reeling from the display of His glory. I am thankful that I have so much when others have so little. I don't know why God decided that I was the one who got to have this amazing life I've been given, but I am going to do everything in my power to make Him look good.

So I guess all that's left to ask is...what are you thankful for?

All for His Glory,
Taylor

Truth.

To put it mildly, it has been a long...long journey.

I came to El Salvador knowing and expecting it would be hard. I have never been so far away from home before, nor for such a long period of time. During those quiet few minutes before I would fall asleep I would imagine what my trip would be like. I pictured myself becoming this amazing woman of God. I saw myself surrounded by a sea of orphans, sweating as I labored in the Central American sun to rebuild a home, speaking Spanish, and changing from the inside out. I imagined it would be hard because it is a new place. A new culture. A new kind of people. A new language.

Being here is whole different kind of difficult than I ever imagined. Yes, it is hard to be in a country completely different from my own. I never expected the majority of the fight here to be spiritual, though. It's like now that I'm growing closer to God, it makes me question all of the things I knew about myself before. Do I really know those things? I am doing this right? Can I still say that? Is that wrong? I keep stumbling over my own self and tripping myself up with my own thoughts. It's exaughsting, and the struggle bleeds over into the other aspects of my life. It has forced me to realize that things I knew for sure about myself before all of this are still true. I am still me. That's one of the things that scares me the most about going home. What if my friends who aren't Christians don't accept the new me? The new me who goes to God for everything before relying on myself. Will they accept that He is the biggest and best part of my life?

 The answer is: Who cares? If they are my real friends, they will not care. If they are friends that are meant to spend eternity by my side, then maybe I have been placed in their lives to lead them away from their lostness.

The past few weeks have been kind of crazy and I've been through a whirlwind of emotions. We go out to communities almost every Sunday and go door-to-door to share the Gospel. I struggle with this so much. Every week it seems like I just get weighed down and tired and all I want to do is run away because my nerves get the best of me. I feel like I'm in middle school all over again and I can't find my words. A few weeks ago, however, I woke up on a Sunday and a sense of calm and joy washed over me. I attended church and actually understood the majority of the sermon for the first time since I've been here. During all of the worship songs I could barely sing because I was smiling so big. As we left for the community we were going to evangelize in, I prayed for God to use me in whatever way he wanted. Jorge's little sister Mayrita translated for me, and the first house we went to was a success. It was a man who had accepted Christ before, but found himself lost and far from Him. We led him back. The next person we talked to was a Catholic, and we shared with her how the only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ and not through good deeds alone. We planted the thought in her mind. The next lady we encountered was older, and she was a devout Christian. I shared my story with her and talked with her about faith. We reminded her why she loves Christ in the first place. The next woman we talked to was in her forties or fifties. As I shared my testimony with her, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was timid and quiet, but when we asked if she would like to accpet Christ a smile broke out on her face and she said "YES!" and I led her in prayer. (In Spanish). I led her to Christ. I will see her in eternity. There is no feeling like it.

Johnny Condrey graced us with his presence this week for the Timothy Barnabus Conference along with Johnny Hunt and Steve Flockhart. It was so good to hang out with him. He is so encouraging! He and Kirby's parents took us to the beach for three days. It was incredible, as all beach trips are, but this time was especially amazing. I was swimming in the ocean with a boogie board, minding my own business, when a monster of a wave overtook me. I was rolled around beneath the water and couldn't find my way back to the surface. My lungs were burning and I began to panick. Luckily I had the boogie board attatched to my ankle, and I was able to use it to pop up to the surface after the wave was done with me. Witnessing the power of the ocean firsthand honestly scared me. It thoroughly and utterly frightened me. It just made me realize just how powerful God is. He created the ocean, and the ocean is an uncontrolable force in itself. God could wipe me off the face of this planet in a instant if He wanted to. That's what makes His love for me so profound. I am nothing but a blip on His radar. Blinking and beeping for no more than a second before I'm gone. Yet, He still loves me so much that He gave His ONLY son for my imperfections. For my sin. For your sin. For this entire world.

The Timothy Barnabus Conference was incredible. It was long and it was an intense amount of information being thrown at me all at once, but each message the pastors preached set my heart on fire for God more and more with every word. As a new Christian I had no idea how much hearing a pastor preach every Sunday is necessary. I love the language of Spanish, but I'm just not there yet. The English preaching was like a breath of fresh air, but the pastors are gone now. It's time to get back to my work here and crack down for the next 28 days I have.

December is approaching soon and I can imagine the cold weather that I will be faced with in the United States. It will be a chilling winter away from the warm sunshine and serenity El Salvador has presented me with. I know, though, that my love for God will keep my soul ablaze, and the joy I will have from spending time with my friends and family will keep my heart at ease.

All For His Glory,
Taylor