In my life, I can honestly say I've pretty much always been "the good girl". I did well in school. I had a lot of friends from a group of people who weren't trouble makers. I was an athelete. My parents were the cool parents and it was obvious how much they loved me. From the outside, I would say it looked like I had the good life. Things are usually never what they seem.
I grew up always knowing about Jesus because of the realtionship I had with my mom and my Mema (her mother). I always knew in my heart that He died for me and that He was my savior. Every time I would go visit Mema in South Carolina she would spark that curiosity in me about Jesus. Who He is. What He did. Why He did it. As I grew older though, my family and I never went to church on Sundays. Were were the big athletic family. If there wasn't a hockey tournament to be at, it was baseball. If not baseball, it was soccer...or softball. You get the point, there was always an excuse not to be attending church on Sundays. As I grew up, my only spritual foundation was what I had learned from my Mema and the example that my parents set for me. I've always had an inherent sense of what I knew was morally right and wrong. Unfortunately, I've always had a self-depreciating self concept and I've always been self-concious. Because of this, in the eight grade, I stopped eating. I would go the entire day without food, go to softball practice, and if I felt like I "deserved" to eat dinner that night, then I would allow it. I was miserable. I had headaches every day, I blacked out all the time, and no matter how much weight I lost I was still unhappy with myself. After I lost about 35 pounds, I decided enough was enough and I began eating again. That same year my brother started to smoke pot and got into a lot of trouble. The turmoil he was causing tested my parent's already rocky marriage. The next three years were consumed with fighting and anger and hurt. I would lay on my bed and listen to music as loud as I could stand it just to drown out the voices from downstairs. I begged God to fix my family. My "faith" during those days was a hypocritical shell of what faith really is. I only went to God when I needed something. The problems in my family steadily got worse and worse, and my parents finally separated. During this time my dad lost his job, so not only were we struggling emotionally, but financially as well. I cried only when I couldn't take holding it in anymore. I was embarrassed to let anyone see me cry. I was the rock. People cried on my shoulders, not the other way around. I rarely shared what was going on with my life with even my best of friends. I didn't want to seem affected, because that would only make it all more real. On a whim I got a job at Chick-Fil-A, and it was there I met John Cowan. He pushed me spiritually more than he realized. I wanted to stand firm on my belief that I didn't need to go to church to have faith. He helped me and talked me through the things I was going through with my family, but at the time his words were not sinking in. Instead of turning to God with my problems, I chose to block it all out with pot and alcohol. I slowly spiraled downward into depression. I was failing classes. One night I was sitting in a room with my friends, doing questionalable activites, and I realized that that wasn't the life I wanted. God made me for something greater. After that night I never touched marijuana again, and I never will. My life slowly turned around. I came to the realization that my parents were not going to get back together, and I know it's for the best. God served His purpose in their marriage by blessing them with four amazing kids, and now they get to go search for their soulmates. After numerous addictions and countless times of verbal abuse of my parents and my family, my brother to this day continues to destroy my family. I will never lose the hope that he will be changed. I will never stop forgiving him. I am a firm believer in God's miracles, and I'll never stop believing that my brother is worth one.
Because of Chick-Fil-A, I met Wes Price. He told me all about GAP Year and how he was going to do mission work and learn about God's plan for him. I thought it was really cool, but UGA was going to be my saving grace. I was going to be good at college and I would finally get to start over. My hopes came crashing down when they denied my application, and instantly I knew that God had something else planned for me. It was weird that I knew that because until that moment, God was on the back burners in my mind. Wes kept talking about GAP Year and I felt a pull there like I had never felt before. So I worked/slaved at Chick-Fil-A all summer and by the grace of God I raised enough money to go to El Salvador. I came to El Savlador partially as an escape, but more so because for the first time in my life, I felt GOD calling me to Him. I was bapatized before I left, and ever since then no matter what happens with my family, or with my life, I can handle it without drugs or alcohol or hiding. God has a plan for my life. He is in complete control. I know in my very soul that if I died right now, I would be wrapped up in the loving embrace of Jesus tonight.
Tomorrow is not promised to us. Life is fleeting, and we only get one chance to do it right. It's so easy to say, oh I can do whatever I want now and worry about the consequences later. I can have "fun" and put off living a life for the glory of God until I grow up. Well that's not good enough. God, GOD as in the creator of everything, sacrificed His only perfect Son in the flesh so that our past, and our future mistakes would be forgiven. It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter what you're going to do. God knows you better than you know yourself, which is why He has given us the ultimate back-up plan. Having a personal relationship with Jesus and accepting Him as your Lord and savior is the only way the Heaven. Think past the temptations of this futile earthly life, and think of where you're going to be spending eternity. I pray that if you do not know Jesus, that you will come to, because without Him I don't know where I would be today. He changed me from the inside out. He completely rocked my world, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
All For His Glory,
Taylor
No comments:
Post a Comment