Truth.

To put it mildly, it has been a long...long journey.

I came to El Salvador knowing and expecting it would be hard. I have never been so far away from home before, nor for such a long period of time. During those quiet few minutes before I would fall asleep I would imagine what my trip would be like. I pictured myself becoming this amazing woman of God. I saw myself surrounded by a sea of orphans, sweating as I labored in the Central American sun to rebuild a home, speaking Spanish, and changing from the inside out. I imagined it would be hard because it is a new place. A new culture. A new kind of people. A new language.

Being here is whole different kind of difficult than I ever imagined. Yes, it is hard to be in a country completely different from my own. I never expected the majority of the fight here to be spiritual, though. It's like now that I'm growing closer to God, it makes me question all of the things I knew about myself before. Do I really know those things? I am doing this right? Can I still say that? Is that wrong? I keep stumbling over my own self and tripping myself up with my own thoughts. It's exaughsting, and the struggle bleeds over into the other aspects of my life. It has forced me to realize that things I knew for sure about myself before all of this are still true. I am still me. That's one of the things that scares me the most about going home. What if my friends who aren't Christians don't accept the new me? The new me who goes to God for everything before relying on myself. Will they accept that He is the biggest and best part of my life?

 The answer is: Who cares? If they are my real friends, they will not care. If they are friends that are meant to spend eternity by my side, then maybe I have been placed in their lives to lead them away from their lostness.

The past few weeks have been kind of crazy and I've been through a whirlwind of emotions. We go out to communities almost every Sunday and go door-to-door to share the Gospel. I struggle with this so much. Every week it seems like I just get weighed down and tired and all I want to do is run away because my nerves get the best of me. I feel like I'm in middle school all over again and I can't find my words. A few weeks ago, however, I woke up on a Sunday and a sense of calm and joy washed over me. I attended church and actually understood the majority of the sermon for the first time since I've been here. During all of the worship songs I could barely sing because I was smiling so big. As we left for the community we were going to evangelize in, I prayed for God to use me in whatever way he wanted. Jorge's little sister Mayrita translated for me, and the first house we went to was a success. It was a man who had accepted Christ before, but found himself lost and far from Him. We led him back. The next person we talked to was a Catholic, and we shared with her how the only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ and not through good deeds alone. We planted the thought in her mind. The next lady we encountered was older, and she was a devout Christian. I shared my story with her and talked with her about faith. We reminded her why she loves Christ in the first place. The next woman we talked to was in her forties or fifties. As I shared my testimony with her, I could see the wheels turning in her mind. She was timid and quiet, but when we asked if she would like to accpet Christ a smile broke out on her face and she said "YES!" and I led her in prayer. (In Spanish). I led her to Christ. I will see her in eternity. There is no feeling like it.

Johnny Condrey graced us with his presence this week for the Timothy Barnabus Conference along with Johnny Hunt and Steve Flockhart. It was so good to hang out with him. He is so encouraging! He and Kirby's parents took us to the beach for three days. It was incredible, as all beach trips are, but this time was especially amazing. I was swimming in the ocean with a boogie board, minding my own business, when a monster of a wave overtook me. I was rolled around beneath the water and couldn't find my way back to the surface. My lungs were burning and I began to panick. Luckily I had the boogie board attatched to my ankle, and I was able to use it to pop up to the surface after the wave was done with me. Witnessing the power of the ocean firsthand honestly scared me. It thoroughly and utterly frightened me. It just made me realize just how powerful God is. He created the ocean, and the ocean is an uncontrolable force in itself. God could wipe me off the face of this planet in a instant if He wanted to. That's what makes His love for me so profound. I am nothing but a blip on His radar. Blinking and beeping for no more than a second before I'm gone. Yet, He still loves me so much that He gave His ONLY son for my imperfections. For my sin. For your sin. For this entire world.

The Timothy Barnabus Conference was incredible. It was long and it was an intense amount of information being thrown at me all at once, but each message the pastors preached set my heart on fire for God more and more with every word. As a new Christian I had no idea how much hearing a pastor preach every Sunday is necessary. I love the language of Spanish, but I'm just not there yet. The English preaching was like a breath of fresh air, but the pastors are gone now. It's time to get back to my work here and crack down for the next 28 days I have.

December is approaching soon and I can imagine the cold weather that I will be faced with in the United States. It will be a chilling winter away from the warm sunshine and serenity El Salvador has presented me with. I know, though, that my love for God will keep my soul ablaze, and the joy I will have from spending time with my friends and family will keep my heart at ease.

All For His Glory,
Taylor