I woke up this morning with a newfound sense of calm. As I was brushing my teeth I prayed so hard that today would be different. I prayed that I would see the homeless today and feel their pain, but also that the smile on my face would bring them some source of happiness. Their pain didn't make me sad like it usually does- it touched me to my very soul and each and every time I see them I feel that much more appreciative of everything I have waiting for me at home. We arrived and while we were waiting for the homeless to come into the cafeteria area, Leah, Tiffany, Kaylie and I played tag with the children. They are so sweet and eager to run around and let loose. They wanted our bracelets, so I gave away two of mine. There is one girl, probably in her early twenties, in particular that catches my attention every week. Supposedly she might actually be a transvestite, but regardless she always talks to me. Today she pointed to my watch and gave me the puppy dog eyes. I asked her if she wanted it and she nodded yes. I've never given anything away before. I don't know if it's because I've never had the opportunity or if it's just because I've been so oblivious of other's needs before. I took it off without a second thought and wrapped it around her wrist. I can buy a new watch anytime, but she can't even feed herself on a regular basis. Sharing that kind of connection with someone is something I've never experienced before and it was truely eye opening. What have I been holding back? Who could I have helped while I was wrapped up in my own problems? The past is in the past, but I look forward to living in a giving light from now on. Wes shared his testimony today. It was inspiring and the people reacted to him so positively. He has a gift for making connections with people no matter what their situation is, and I feel blessed to be able to observe it in action. While we were waiting outside for our driver to pick us up, there was an elderly lady struggling to walk away from the church. I'm not sure if it was a birth defect or if she was in an accident of some sort, but her left leg looked as though she had no knee cap or ligaments. It bends both ways instead of just backwards. To see her struggle just to do something as simple as walking was heartbreaking. So I'm thinking, I struggle everyday with my self-image, but my left leg works perfectly. In fact all of my limbs and every part of my body work perfectly, so why have I been wasting precious energy degrading myself when there is nothing wrong with me? Why do we ever say our bodies aren't good looking enough? We are made in God's image, so we are absolutely beautiful just the way we are. I feel foolish, but everyday is a new step towards loving myself the way I should.
Later today we'll be attending Jorge's rehearsal for his concert again. I have my first real small group metting at 3:30 and I cannot wait to begin forming friendships with these girls. We have La Red (youth group) tonight. I adore the people that attend there. They're always so welcoming and armed with a smile and a hug. Afterwards we're going to a sports bar to watch the El Salvador vs Honduras futbol (soccer ;) ) game. It's so weird that we're going to be watching a soccer game while my friends back home will be crowded around their TVs watching their favorite college football team begin the season. GO DAWGS! Talk about culture shock, eh?
My spanish is really coming along, but I have so much I have to learn. Not only about the language but about the people here and especially myself. You always think you know all there is to know about yourself, because...well duh...it's you. I've already learned so many things about myself I never knew before. I'm going to return home after this experience the best version of myself I can be.
All for His Glory,
Taylor
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